Intensive Marriage Therapy
Some of the hardest times during residency were when we went days or weeks without spending quality time together. There were times we only crossed paths a few times a week. Over the years, we learned how important it was to connect every day. Continue Reading
I love being a surgeon. I love being a surgeon. The awe of human anatomy. The adrenaline rush that comes with each incision. The satisfaction of dropping the tumor-inflicted organ in a bucket. Congratulating cancer survivors on cancer-free surveillance scans. I can’t imagine a more rewarding job. But surgery is not my top priority and never will be. Continue Reading
Over the next several weeks, I will be featuring a series of Getaway Ideas submitted by my readers. Heather Knudson shares our first location in a remote area of Ireland. The pictures look amazing! Super peaceful and out of the way. Just the kind of vacation I like!
Marriage therapy, like any form of therapy, may not be an appropriate option in certain situations. While it can be highly beneficial for many couples, there are some instances where it may not be the best course of action. This is specifically true for intensive couples therapy. Here are a few situations where marriage therapy may not be a good idea:
If there is a history of domestic violence, abuse, or any situation where there is a risk of harm to one or both partners, individual safety takes precedence. In such cases, ensuring immediate safety and seeking appropriate help, such as shelter, legal protection, or counseling specifically focused on trauma and abuse, should be the priority.
If one or both partners are not committed to working on the relationship or have already made a firm decision to separate or divorce, marriage therapy may not be effective. Both partners need to be willing to actively participate and invest in the therapy process for it to be successful. If one partner is leaning into the relationship and the other partner is leaning out or unsure what he or she wants, discernment counseling would be a better option than marriage therapy.
In order for marriage therapy to be effective, a certain level of stability and sobriety is typically necessary. Addiction is a complex issue that often requires specialized treatment and support on an individual level. Active addictions can impair communication, trust, and emotional connection, making it difficult to engage in the couples therapy process. In cases where one or both partners are struggling with addiction, it is generally recommended that they seek individual therapy or treatment specifically tailored to address addiction-related issues before beginning relational therapy.
Sometimes, individual issues such as severe mental health disorders, addictions (mentioned above), or personal crises may be better addressed through individual therapy before engaging in couples therapy. In these cases, it may be more effective to work on individual healing and personal growth before addressing relationship dynamics.
In marriage therapy, both partners ideally come with a shared commitment to work on the relationship and address the issues at hand. An ongoing affair is indicative that the unfaithful partner is not ready to fully commit to therapy or to repairing the relationship. Rebuilding trust is a crucial component of marriage therapy, but when the affair is still ongoing, it’s impossible to establish a foundation of trust necessary for productive therapy sessions. It’s also impossible for the unfaithful partner to begin to emotionally invest in the marriage again. You can’t create safety in your marriage if there is a safety net somewhere else.
Marriage therapy after an affair has ended is often a crucial step to healing and rebuilding the relationship. It is imperative, however, that the affair be discontinued or the individuals be in the process of ending the affair before beginning marriage therapy.
If you have questions about marriage therapy being a good option for your situation, please read more about intensive based marriage therapy and reach out for a free consultation. We can discuss your individual needs and concerns and determine if it is the right fit.
A traveler was walking alone down a country lane. The Sun and the North Wind decided to have a contest to see who could remove the traveler’s overcoat. The North Wind tried first. He blew and he blew around the traveler as fiercely as he could, trying to rip the coat from the traveler–but the traveler wrapped his coat more closely around him and held it tighter. The more the North Wind blew, the tighter the traveler hugged the coat. Then the Sun said, “Let me try,” and as she gently shone her warmth on the traveler, the traveler opened his coat, and within minutes took it off.” (Aesop Fable, recently quoted by Alison Lee, Ph.D., EFT Community News 2013)
In our attempts to get a response from our loved ones, we often think we need to push harder and increase the intensity our efforts. We think that the harder we try, the more likely we will be to get them to understand our truest, deepest desires.
This is such a normal and frustrating feeling–especially when we feel a disconnection in our most important relationships. And it is a natural progression:
When we feel physically threatened–maybe a barking dog comes running toward us, or we hear a strange creak on the stairs at night–our minds naturally shift into one of two modes: either we leap up to fight off the danger, or we are petrified with fear.
When we feel emotionally threatened, we respond in the same way: we fight back, or we freeze and flee. The North Wind response, when we push our loved ones to respond, is our way of fighting for the relationship and the connection we so deeply crave. Continue Reading
Sue Johnson has done it again! What remarkable research in the field of relationships. I think the reason I appreciate Sue’s work so much is it is not just gimmicky advice. She clearly explains, in a reader- friendly way, what the current research on love tells us. She demonstrates what we know about love and how it makes sense, and she provides real, conversational examples of couples that find their way out of disconnection to a safe and lovingly attached relationship. The examples she uses in Love Sense really are inspirational. They are just normal people, like you and me, who have found the answers and made it work.
I purchased the audio book and Audible as well as the hard copy. Some audio books are so painful to listen to, but Sue’s soothing voice made my driving kids to and fro much more pleasant. It was actually really cool – I would arrive somewhere and have her words so fresh in my mind that I found them making an instant impact. While I like the hard copy to highlight and refer back to, I would highly recommend the audio version. I think there is something really powerful about hearing her tone and expressions.
It is clear that Sue is a leader, if not THE leader in the field of Couple Relationships and that she not only knows the other research out there, but she is contributing to the current research and raising the standard of what acceptable results are in terms of creating and maintaining love.
I would recommend this to everyone who wants to understand and improve any relationship.
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