connection Archives

10 More Medical Marriage Tips – Guest Post

by Dr. Kim Blackham

Guest Post by Maria Eniss

After posting Surviving Residency: The 10 Things I Learned While My Husband was a General Surgery Resident, I received an email from a friend of mine and fellow surgeon’s wife. Maria Ennis is the wife of a Critical Care/Trauma Surgeon and is the mother of five.

She was already a couple of years into residency when we met and our husbands began working together. A couple of things always impressed me about Maria. While her husband was working crazy hours, she was able to continue her work as a NICU nurse on a very part-time basis. She worked when she wanted to, yet had the flexibility to manage her family at the same time. Continue Reading

Why Couples Fight: It’s Not About The Lemons

by Dr. Kim Blackham

Marriage experts used to assume that couples fought mostly over what I call “content issues“–the things a couple discusses during a fight, such as money, in-laws, sex, and parenting styles. They believed that if they addressed each individual content issue, they could help the couple improve their relationship. But addressing the content of the fights often didn’t do much to heal the relationships. New issues would crop up, and the fighting and struggle to understand each other would continue.

Now we understand that most (if not all) of the reasons why couples fight are emotional disconnections that manifest as content issues. Not sure what that means? Take a quick minute and watch this short movie clip from The Break Up. You’ll see the two main characters fighting pretty intensely–over lemons. But is that really what they’re fighting about? See if you can relate! Continue Reading

Oxytocin: The Chemical of Connection

by Dr. Kim Blackham

Your brain is hard-wired for connection. Social bonding is an essential part of being human. Feeling close and connected and accepted by others is not just a nice idea; it is necessary for thriving.

What triggers oxytocin release?

When we engage in socially bonding experiences such as hugging, kissing, spending time with loved ones, thinking about someone we care about, or having emotionally connected conversations, our brain produces a hormone called oxytocin.

How does oxytocin make you feel?

Often referred to as the “love hormone” or “cuddle hormone,” oxytocin can increase feelings of trust and empathy. The improved sense of trust can strengthen the emotional connection between partners, leading to a more fulfilling and satisfying marriage.

The Power of Empathy: If We Could Look Into Each Other’s Hearts

by Dr. Kim Blackham

The following video clip beautifully illustrates the power of empathy, which is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another person. Empathy allows us to step into someone else’s shoes, truly listen to their experiences, and relate to their emotions. It goes beyond sympathy or pity; it is a genuine effort to connect and validate the human experience.

Does Your Partner Have a Frozen Heart? Relationship Lessons From Frozen

by Dr. Kim Blackham

This is the third in a three-part series of understanding EFT through the characters in Disney’s Frozen. If you missed the first article, I’d encourage you to start there. “Part 1” and then” Part 2.”

Inevitably, all of my clients want to know, “If this is normal – this pursuing and withdrawing, how do we fix it.”

The good news is that because we know how relationships go wrong, we do know how to fix it. We understand that while it may appear that we are fighting over sex, money, or in-laws, we are really caught in this negative cycle of pursuing and withdrawing and don’t know how to get out. Recognizing the cycle – to the point that each of you can own your position in it and fully understand what it is that you do – pursue or withdraw and why – is the first step in healing it.

After Anna realizes Elsa’s power to freeze and why she has stayed hidden and closed off for so many years, she chases Elsa to her “Kingdom of Isolation,” declaring her understanding and love for Elsa.Continue Reading

Does Your Partner Have a Frozen Heart? Relationship Lessons From Frozen

by Dr. Kim Blackham

This is the second in a three-part series of understanding EFT through the characters in Disney’s Frozen. If you missed the first article, I’d encourage you to start there. “Do You Wanna Build A Snowman”

After unintentionally harming Anna with her power to freeze, Elsa’s parents warn her to stop experiencing emotion, hide her power, and not let anyone see. Feeling so much shame for the power she possesses and her mistake of hurting her sister, she convinces herself:

Don’t let them in. Don’t let them see.

Be the good girl, you always have to be.

Conceal, don’t feel, put on a show

Make one wrong move and everyone will know.Continue Reading