This is the second in a three-part series of understanding EFT through the characters in Disney’s Frozen. If you missed the first article, I’d encourage you to start there. “Do You Wanna Build A Snowman”
After unintentionally harming Anna with her power to freeze, Elsa’s parents warn her to stop experiencing emotion, hide her power, and not let anyone see. Feeling so much shame for the power she possesses and her mistake of hurting her sister, she convinces herself:
Don’t let them in. Don’t let them see. Be the good girl, you always have to be. Conceal, don’t feel, put on a show Make one wrong move and everyone will know.That what shame tells us. Hide. Don’t let people see. What will they think of you if they really knew?
So Elsa locks herself away in her room, shutting out the sister she loves in an attempt to keep her safe.
On one side of the door, we see Anna knocking and seeking connection, but on the other side, we see sad Elsa propped up against the door, longing for the same connection, but feeling trapped and helpless in her longing. How can she reach out and accept Anna’s love when she is trying to shut that longing down? She feels like she has no choice. She can’t want a relationship with Anna, because she believes there is no safe way to have one. Because of her own inadequacies and inability to control her power, she believes she is the problem. And the more Anna moves towards her, seeking that connection, the more Elsa is reminded of her inability to make things right.
At the coronation ceremony, when she cannot keep her emotions bottled up any longer and they flow from her in a way that she feels she can neither control nor protect others from, she flees up the mountain resigning herself to “A kingdom of isolation and it looks like I’m the Queen.”
Reliving the experience, she declares, “Couldn’t keep it in, Heaven knows I tried.”
It’s true. No matter how hard we try to keep emotion contained, it will eventually win in the end. Even when we think we have it under control, our tone and facial expressions respond to those emotions more accurately than they do to the words we may be saying.
“Let it go” really is multi-layered in meaning. On one hand, she is trying to convince herself to not care what others think.
Let it go. Let it go. Turn away and slam the door. I don’t care, what they’re going to say. Let the storm rage on. The cold never bothered me anyway.Certainly there is part of her that feels some freedom from the fear of hurting those she loves.
The fears that once controlled me, Can’t get to me at all.But this song is mostly about her attempt to freeze the remaining emotions inside her as she realizes that the longing and connection that she has desired as well, will never happen – and it’s all her fault.
Let it go. Let it go. You’ll never see me cry. One thought crystallizes like an icy blast I’m never going back. The past is in the past.The last time she declares, “The cold never bothered me anyway,” we can hear her determination to not feel, not experience emotion – to convince herself that it really doesn’t hurt.
Like Anna’s response to the emotional stress, Elsa’s response is also normal and understandable. Moving away, withdrawing, and shutting down emotion makes sense. We respond to emotionally threatening situations the same way we respond to physically threatening situations. We flight or freeze and flee. Anna fought for the connection, Elsa fled and froze and in so doing, created a very real image for us to understand the process of freezing our own emotions.
It’s easy to misinterpret these behaviors that accompany the intense feelings of getting it wrong and being inadequate. When we experience someone pulling away from us, it really feels like we don’t matter to them. In fact, I have had a client tell me it feels like his wife is the “Ice Queen herself.” He experienced cold, frozen, emotionless interaction from her and did not understand where that was coming from. This example of Elsa and Anna really helps illustrate that Elsa is fleeing because of how important Anna is to her. Not because she doesn’t want to be with her.
Continued in final Frozen article – Love is an Open Door
