Dr. Kim Blackham

Intensive Marriage Therapy

Making Time for Your Medical Marriage

by Dr. Kim Blackham

 

There have been several studies done trying to understand medical marriages and relationship satisfaction.  In one study, researchers found that most partners/spouses (86.8%) were happy and satisfied in their relationship.

A happy young couple relaxing together

They also found that the number one predictor of relationship satisfaction was the amount of time a couple spent together (and awake!) each day.  Physician specialty, work hours, and practice setting didn’t seem to matter–just the number of nights on call per week.Continue Reading

What to do when you don’t know what to do

by Dr. Kim Blackham

Have you ever felt paralyzed by a decision that feels impossible to make? Or filled with doubt, confusion, and overwhelm–wishing someone would just make the decision for you? Me too.

Every time my husband ends one phase of his medical career and moves on to the next, I feel like we end up in the same quicksand of indecision. We know we need to choose something, but we want to make the “right” choice.

We are all faced with complicated and weighty decisions. When I am in that situation, I have found there are six things I can do when I don’t know what to do.Continue Reading

When Enough is Enough

by Dr. Kim Blackham

Did you know that willpower is a finite resource? It’s true. There comes a point when you can’t just keep telling yourself to keep on.

I was reminded of that this week as the stress level at our house continues to mount with our upcoming move. I found myself frequently reaching for my favorite chocolates. (They really are AMAZING if you need an unhealthy way to help you manage your own stress.)

That’s because I am using my willpower for other things. Such as not yelling at my kids when they interrupt me while I’m on the phone. Or not completely losing it when my husband tells me he is on call again. Or not getting angry at my son’s teacher when something isn’t handled the way I would have liked. All my willpower is being diverted to other emotionally draining situations that when a chocolate covered caramel sounds good, I decide I should probably eat three.Continue Reading

Medical Marriage Q&A: Balancing Vulnerability with Independence

by Dr. Kim Blackham

 

Question: We are second year medical students.  First year medical school was rough–and we have lots of layers to our situation.  One of them is that we have two kids under 4-years old and we live 2000 miles away from family.

My main question is how to manage a relationship (romantic/connected/sexual and being vulnerable) with my souse while being a “single mother 6 days a week, tough skinned, independent, and positive?  I feel as though I’m living in two worlds.Continue Reading

To the Parents and In-Laws of Physicians in Training

by Dr. Kim Blackham

 

Dear Parents,
What an exciting opportunity for you to see your son or daughter progressing in his or her career as a physician!  You are the ones that were there, encouraging this process for years: reading bedtime stories, attending parent-teacher conferences, helping with hours of homework and those dreaded yearly science fair projects, and teaching those all-important life skills (no red socks with the white laundry!) that formal schooling just doesn’t cover.  As a mother of four, I can only imagine how rewarding it will be to see all of that hard work pay off when my own children are grown!

I want to share my thoughts with you because I know how challenging this path is for your child, and how hard it is for you as a parent to know how to help and connect with him or her in this stage of life.

I work as a marriage therapist with physician couples.  The couples I work with frequently share concern over their inability to explain their particular challenges to extended family.  I’m sure you, too, are struggling to understand, and, in truth, I don’t have any perfect answer.  It’s really hard for any of us to know what someone else struggles with.  We can imagine, but we really don’t know!Continue Reading