Medical Marriages Archives

Medical Marriage Q&A: Keeping Love Alive

by Dr. Kim Blackham

Question: We are currently in the last year of med school, and I’m wondering; what are some practical, everyday things we can do to keep our marriage strong? Especially with intern year coming up.

Answer:

Don’t Confuse Character with Situation

When the demands of life become overwhelming, it is easy to attack your spouse’s personality when in reality, it is the situation you are angry about. The hospital demands that accompany some rotations may make your spouse unavailable to you during the day and home late at night. It is easy to misconnect those dots and assume “I’m not important to her” or “He cares more about work than he does about me.” The ugly reality of medical life is that at times, many elements will be out of your and your spouse’s control. Attacking your spouse’s character when the situation is to blame is unfair.

Make Time Each Day Just to Be Together

Find the time every day to connect. The couples I speak to have become very creative at making this work. One woman tells me she gets up early with her husband every morning before he goes to work. Another client told me they started putting their children to bed earlier every night in order to have some time alone. Try going to bed at the same time, putting work away at a particular time and spending the rest of the evening together, or doing routine activities like walking the dog or washing dishes together. Whatever you come up with, find a way to make this happen every day.Continue Reading

6 Key Ways to Thrive When Your Spouse Works Nights

by Dr. Kim Blackham

It can be very difficult when a spouse is required to work nights. Something about nights adds to the loneliness and challenge of an already difficult situation.

It’s easier to keep yourself busy during the day. There are often other people around such as friends, colleagues, and family members, as well as more scheduled activities and things to do. But at night time, families have gathered back at home and are preparing for the next day. It almost feels like an intrusion to reach out for connection and support at that time. Even if it’s just a late evening, when you’re out running kids around to soccer practice and piano lessons or at home managing homework and bedtime by yourself. How do you keep up your strength and not become resentful?Continue Reading

Medical Marriage Q&A: Burnout and Contempt

by Dr. Kim Blackham

Question: I am in tears tonight as I type this. After 10 + years of marriage I am so discouraged. I have been with my husband since undergrad. I have been with him through everything in medical school, residency, and now our first year in a “real job.”

He just continues to be more and more bitter all of the time and I don’t know why. I take care of 99% of all our house and family needs and I have never complained about his work hours. I feel like medicine has changed him through the years into a miserable person. He seems to hate life and everyone in it, including me. Please let me know if you have any advice. We also have a 2 and 6 year old.Continue Reading

Medical Marriage Q&A: Emotional Connection

by Dr. Kim Blackham

Question:

We have been married 16 years, have three kids, and have been in this medical life for 12 years. This is good advice for the business side of the marriage, but what about the more emotional side? I feel like we are business partners at best. After work, kids, finances, we have no time to actually share our thoughts and feelings (which are hard to pry out of him on a good day).Continue Reading

Work Life Balance

by Dr. Kim Blackham

In a recent interview with Mashable, I talk about many of the challenges that busy families and couples face. Finding work-life balance is necessary for both family harmony and job satisfaction. Demanding careers often lead to burnout if steps are not taken early on to avoid it.

The Ultimate List of the BEST Gifts for Doctors

by Dr. Kim Blackham

If you are married to, dating, friends with, or a parent of a doctor, it can be difficult to find gifts that they will not only appreciate, but also find useful. Like me, you have probably Googled “Best Gifts for Doctors” hoping to come up with some helpful ideas, but the only results display mugs, t-shirts, and bobble heads – none of which was what you were actually going for. I don’t know about you, but I always appreciate a good recommendation. It saves me time and helps me give something that will be enjoyed. I have put together a list of doctor gifts that have been well-loved in our home as well as with other physician friends and clients. None of the products are sponsored – meaning the companies did not approach me to promote them. Some of the items do have Amazon affiliate links. It’s the holidays and many companies are offering specials, so I always encourage you to shop around for the best deals.