Dr. Kim Blackham

Intensive Marriage Therapy

How to Change Negative Thoughts

by Dr. Kim Blackham

This week I started preparing for a presentation I’m giving to a large women’s organization.  The main topic is depression and mental health.  This is a topic our society does not talk about enough.  We all struggle with feeling down and discouraged.  Sometimes that discouragement can be debilitating.

There are a couple of different schools of thought on how to deal with depression.  One of them is using cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). If you can change your thoughts, you can change your feelings.  Continue Reading

Five Simple Changes to Dramatically Improve the Spirit of Your Home

by Dr. Kim Blackham

A couple of weeks ago, I walked downstairs to find my kids had made waffles for breakfast. Our two girls love to cook, but they occasionally forget to clean up after themselves. It only took three seconds for me to assess the mess and go looking for the kids. When I found them, the first thing I said was, “Will you please go clean up your mess in the kitchen?” A few minutes later, I was talking to the oldest about some other things she needed to do when she said, “You know, you haven’t even said good morning to me. Everything out of your mouth this morning is pointing out things I’m doing wrong.”

African American mother and daughter laughing and hugging each other.

She was right.  And the worst part was realizing it probably happened a lot more often than I was aware.

I started asking myself, “How often do I deliberately speak kindly to my husband and children?”Continue Reading

When Enough is Enough

by Dr. Kim Blackham

Did you know that willpower is a finite resource? It’s true. There comes a point when you can’t just keep telling yourself to keep on.

I was reminded of that this week as the stress level at our house continues to mount with our upcoming move. I found myself frequently reaching for my favorite chocolates. (They really are AMAZING if you need an unhealthy way to help you manage your own stress.)

That’s because I am using my willpower for other things. Such as not yelling at my kids when they interrupt me while I’m on the phone. Or not completely losing it when my husband tells me he is on call again. Or not getting angry at my son’s teacher when something isn’t handled the way I would have liked. All my willpower is being diverted to other emotionally draining situations that when a chocolate covered caramel sounds good, I decide I should probably eat three.Continue Reading

The New Year’s Resolution to Improve Your Relationships

by Dr. Kim Blackham

It’s that time of year. Everyone is making resolutions, thinking carefully about how they want the next 365 days to be different from years past. As I have thought about my own resolutions this year, I have found myself approaching them much differently than I have before.

In his bestselling book Good to Great, Jim Collins tells of an advisor asking him to imagine receiving two phone calls:

The first phone call tells him he has won $20 million–no strings attached.

The second phone call tells him he only has 10 years to live.

The advisor then asks what he would do differently if each of those phone calls actually came.Continue Reading

The Three Levels of Grateful – Understanding how Gratitude Changes Lives

by Dr. Kim Blackham

As Thanksgiving approaches, we will inevitably hear much about the importance of gratitude.  Our Facebook feeds will be filled with gratitude posts, Sunday school lessons throughout the month will focus on this topic, and as parents, we will try to help our children understand this principle before they begin asking for Christmas gifts.

Yet as we talk about gratitude, I often feel as though our discussions are incomplete, and I am mindful of those who are struggling to feel grateful when their lives are full of many hardships.

As I have grown in my understanding and application of gratitude, I have realized that gratitude really exists on three levels.

Let’s call the first level The Magic Words Level.

Continue Reading