Blog Archives

Does Your Partner Have a Frozen Heart? Relationship Lessons From Frozen

by Dr. Kim Blackham

This is the third in a three-part series of understanding EFT through the characters in Disney’s Frozen. If you missed the first article, I’d encourage you to start there. “Part 1” and then” Part 2.”

Inevitably, all of my clients want to know, “If this is normal – this pursuing and withdrawing, how do we fix it.”

The good news is that because we know how relationships go wrong, we do know how to fix it. We understand that while it may appear that we are fighting over sex, money, or in-laws, we are really caught in this negative cycle of pursuing and withdrawing and don’t know how to get out. Recognizing the cycle – to the point that each of you can own your position in it and fully understand what it is that you do – pursue or withdraw and why – is the first step in healing it.

After Anna realizes Elsa’s power to freeze and why she has stayed hidden and closed off for so many years, she chases Elsa to her “Kingdom of Isolation,” declaring her understanding and love for Elsa.Continue Reading

Does Your Partner Have a Frozen Heart? Relationship Lessons From Frozen

by Dr. Kim Blackham

This is the second in a three-part series of understanding EFT through the characters in Disney’s Frozen. If you missed the first article, I’d encourage you to start there. “Do You Wanna Build A Snowman”

After unintentionally harming Anna with her power to freeze, Elsa’s parents warn her to stop experiencing emotion, hide her power, and not let anyone see. Feeling so much shame for the power she possesses and her mistake of hurting her sister, she convinces herself:

Don’t let them in. Don’t let them see.

Be the good girl, you always have to be.

Conceal, don’t feel, put on a show

Make one wrong move and everyone will know.Continue Reading

Does Your Partner Have a Frozen Heart? Relationship Lessons From Frozen Part 1

by Dr. Kim Blackham

Have you seen Disney’s newest movie, Frozen? I just got home from the movie theater and can hardly wait to write this post. In addition to loving the music and animation, I was enthralled with the depth of human emotion and relationship insight that was depicted in the story. Sometimes Disney portrays key human experiences so clearly, there is really no reason for a more sophisticated way to teach it.

In the theater, I experienced the same story that I see over and over with couples in my office. It was a clear reflection of the hurt that so many people feel.

It was like Walt Disney meets Emotionally Focused Therapy!Continue Reading

50 Everyday Ways to be Romantic

by Dr. Kim Blackham

Pick flowers off the side of the road
SnailMail a love letter – either to home, or to work.
Create an audio love letter. Smart phones make this really easy. Either record it directly onto theirs, or record it to your own and email it to them. If you do not have smart phones, Google “free audio recording online” and there are lots of options.
Leave love notes in random places – write on the eggs in the egg carton, on the products that are rolled up (parchment paper, toilet paper, paper towels etc.) Just unroll, write message, and roll back up.
Use dry erase, wet erase, or window markers and leave love notes all over the shower stall or bathroom mirror.Continue Reading

Tips for Sticking with New Year’s Resolutions

by Dr. Kim Blackham

I love this quote! That really is what sets us apart and allows us to contribute to society. When we make the sacrifices to work hard today, we are in a better position to excel tomorrow.

Keeping New Year’s Resolutions is difficult for everyone. According to research by the University of Scranton, only 8% of people actually achieve their New Year’s resolutions.

So what sets those apart from succeeding and giving up, and how can we all do better at actually achieving our goals?

I have 4 suggestions that may help.

New Year’s Resolutions for Relationships

by Dr. Kim Blackham

It’s that time of year again where we talk about evaluating our life and set goals for things to change. Most of the time we have abandoned our goals by the end of January and our good intentions remain just that . . . good intentions.

But what if this year could be different? What if this year you could set a New Year’s Resolution that you really were capable of achieving and would have lasting impact? I want to help you do that.

Of all the resolutions that we make, the most important are the ones regarding relationships. I may want to run a marathon, but in the long run, that goal has little eternal consequence when compared to my relationship with my teenage daughter.

So this year, I challenge you to set a New Year’s Resolution for an important relationship in your life. Really stop and ponder your relationships. Is there one that stands out in your mind quickly as one you would like to repair or improve? Now if you are like most of us, it’ll seem too hard and you’ll want to brush it off for an easier relationship. I want to challenge you to pick the one that you know in your heart needs your attention the most. Maybe it is with one of your siblings or an estranged friend, your spouse, or one of your kids.