Dr. Kim Blackham

Intensive Marriage Therapy

Tip #8 – Surviving Residency and Making Medical Marriages Work

by Dr. Kim Blackham

Ignore the Calendar and Set Your Own Holidays

People get sick on holidays, weekends, birthdays, Tuesdays – ok, every day.  Admittedly, when Aaron was on trauma and taking care of victims of preventable accidents there were times I felt like the Disney superhero Mr. Incredible (remember, I have young kids) during the opening scene when he declared, “Can’t the world just stay saved!”  I can’t tell you how many times I had that thought throughout his training.  Can’t people just stay at home, in bed at 2 am and not shoot or stab each other and let my husband come home!  Can’t the world just stay saved!  Continue Reading

Tip #9 – Surviving Residency and Making Medical Marriages Work

by Dr. Kim Blackham

Support and Love Each Other.  Talk about Your Needs

Surviving residency meant that we had to be super-efficient with the time that Aaron was around.  There was no time for me to expect him to guess what I needed and for him to try and get it right.

Nor was there time for me to be mad he hadn’t been home  – now that he finally was home.  (Talk about counterproductive.) Continue Reading

Tip #10 – Surviving Residency and Making Medical Marriages Work

by Dr. Kim Blackham

Dream About and Envision the Future Together

This isn’t putting off life until training is over, but rather seeing a future where the two of you are together and in love.  Frequently discuss plans and dreams together.  Where do we want to be in ten years?  Where should we vacation to celebrate when all this training is over?  Where do we want to settle?  What will our lives be like then? Continue Reading

How the Most Common Marriage Advice May be the Worst

by Dr. Kim Blackham

Maybe it was at a bridal shower or your wedding reception, or maybe it was written within a congratulation card from an old neighbor or during a heart to heart conversation with your grandmother before the big day, but I’m guessing that somewhere along the line, you were told that the key to a successful marriage is to never go to bed angry. 

I think that is the most common marriage advice and at the same time, one of the worst.

Anyone who has been in a relationship long enough has had one of those late nights where the discussion is dragging on, feelings have been hurt, and the resolution feels nowhere in sight.  Continue Reading

Are You Doing What You Love?

by Dr. Kim Blackham

In my recent interview with ALLPARENTING, I talked about ways that you can make a living doing what you love while also balancing your family.

“Kim Blackham, a licensed marriage and family therapist, advises moms to brainstorm what it is that they love to do and then see how other people are making money doing the same thing. She adds, “Find a mentor that is in a similar life circumstance to you and interview them. It takes a lot of the research out of the equation if you can talk to someone who has been there and done it already.”   READ MORE

How Love Languages Really Impact Your Relationship

by Dr. Kim Blackham

In 2009, Gary Chapman coined the phrase, “Love Languages” with the publication of his book, “The Five Love Languages.”

A love language is a way someone hears and interprets love.

Just like a verbal language in which someone understands another’s intentions, meaning, and message.

If I were to speak to my partner in Japanese, he would not understand a word I was saying.  Likewise, when we speak love to our partner in a love language they cannot interpret, most of the time, they will miss the message we are trying to convey.

Chapman suggest that there are five main love languages: Quality Time, Acts of Service, Touch, Gifts, and Words of Affirmation.  Most of us have a main love language, but we can also give and receive love in other ways.

Look at the following examples below and see which of these descriptions best fit your desire for love and affection:Continue Reading