The fear of parallel living, of growing apart and becoming mere roommates, is a sentiment that many couples can relate to. It’s a fear born out of the realization that maintaining a deep and meaningful connection in marriage requires effort and intentionality. In a world where disconnection is often seen as inevitable, it can be…
Question: My mother is always wanting to help me. I know that sounds like a good thing, but it’s not. It’s suffocating, and I don’t know how to tell her to back off without hurting her feelings. Is it okay for me to not want her constant help and if so, how do I do…
Question: My husband travels a lot and puts in long workdays. We often don’t have the time or energy to get on the same page about schedules or stay connected about the day-to-day events. How can I help him know what’s going on at home when we are both so busy?
Last month I had the privilege of speaking about Medical Marriages at the national 2015 AMA Alliance Annual Meeting. This was my first real experience with the alliance and I have to admit, it was different than I expected. (Donna Rovito on the left and Briana Wessell on the right) Let me back up…
All bleeding stops…eventually. So the saying goes. Medical residency is tough–it’s physically, emotionally and intellectually exhausting. The demands of medical training consume our time and our energy. It’s the nature of the beast. Add in a marriage and maybe a few kids (we have four) and finding balance between medical training and family relationships can…
Acknowledge Your Spouse’s Sacrifice After a year or two of medical school, I recognized my wife’s life would have been much easier had I chosen a different career. Our college friends had graduated and within a few years had solid jobs, new cars, fancy homes and a 40 hour work week. The years of poverty,…
Work at Work, Be Home at Home During my internship, I realized that residency is insatiable—there is never and will never be enough time to satisfy its demands. There are always patients to see, labs to check, notes to write, pages to return, articles to read, conferences to attend, presentations to prepare and research to…
Loyalty Begins with Words With the strains of medical training on relationships, we naturally look for advocates – we want to find someone who will validate our side of the story. I experienced such a scenario dozens of times – a doctor speaking negatively about their spouse to co-workers or friends in an attempt to…
There is No Room for Criticism Life as a resident is tough. Life as a resident spouse is uniquely but equally challenging. The inherent demands of residency leave little time or energy for anything else. Mistakes are made. Responsibilities are unfulfilled. Screw ups happen.
Allow Your Spouse to Dream While You are Fulfilling Yours Since the day she graduated from college, my wife wanted to get a Master’s degree in marriage and family therapy. That goal was set aside as we started a family and as I started medical school. She planned to enroll once my training was over and…
Minimize the Impact of Financial Stresses During Residency While being a doctor may come with a comfortable salary, becoming a doctor comes with years of tight budgets, massive debt, and delayed gratification. Kim and I lived solely off student loans during medical school—during which we had two children. At least in residency we stopped accumulating…
Keep the Romance Alive I’m sure we received the same counsel you did on your wedding day: “Keep courting your spouse your entire marriage.” True, it is great advice, but the stress and time constraints of residency can easily push aside our commitment to courtship and romance. My wife and I found little ways to show each…