Intensive Marriage Therapy
Love and relationships can be both exhilarating and difficult to navigate. It’s amazing how these emotions can make us feel alive, but they can also bring us to our lowest points. We embark on this journey without any formal training, armed only with what we’ve observed from others and our own experiences. But let’s face it, those sources aren’t always the best teachers. This is why every couple could benefit from couples counseling.
Continue ReadingGuest Post by Maria Eniss
After posting Surviving Residency: The 10 Things I Learned While My Husband was a General Surgery Resident, I received an email from a friend of mine and fellow surgeon’s wife. Maria Ennis is the wife of a Critical Care/Trauma Surgeon and is the mother of five.
She was already a couple of years into residency when we met and our husbands began working together. A couple of things always impressed me about Maria. While her husband was working crazy hours, she was able to continue her work as a NICU nurse on a very part-time basis. She worked when she wanted to, yet had the flexibility to manage her family at the same time. Continue Reading
You may not naturally connect with the members of your spouse’s family. Still, it is essential to remember this: the number one priority with in-laws is to form a relationship with them that does not hurt your marriage.
There are several proactive things you can do create just that kind of relationship:
Marriage therapy, like any form of therapy, may not be an appropriate option in certain situations. While it can be highly beneficial for many couples, there are some instances where it may not be the best course of action. This is specifically true for intensive couples therapy. Here are a few situations where marriage therapy may not be a good idea:
If there is a history of domestic violence, abuse, or any situation where there is a risk of harm to one or both partners, individual safety takes precedence. In such cases, ensuring immediate safety and seeking appropriate help, such as shelter, legal protection, or counseling specifically focused on trauma and abuse, should be the priority.
If one or both partners are not committed to working on the relationship or have already made a firm decision to separate or divorce, marriage therapy may not be effective. Both partners need to be willing to actively participate and invest in the therapy process for it to be successful. If one partner is leaning into the relationship and the other partner is leaning out or unsure what he or she wants, discernment counseling would be a better option than marriage therapy.
In order for marriage therapy to be effective, a certain level of stability and sobriety is typically necessary. Addiction is a complex issue that often requires specialized treatment and support on an individual level. Active addictions can impair communication, trust, and emotional connection, making it difficult to engage in the couples therapy process. In cases where one or both partners are struggling with addiction, it is generally recommended that they seek individual therapy or treatment specifically tailored to address addiction-related issues before beginning relational therapy.
Sometimes, individual issues such as severe mental health disorders, addictions (mentioned above), or personal crises may be better addressed through individual therapy before engaging in couples therapy. In these cases, it may be more effective to work on individual healing and personal growth before addressing relationship dynamics.
In marriage therapy, both partners ideally come with a shared commitment to work on the relationship and address the issues at hand. An ongoing affair is indicative that the unfaithful partner is not ready to fully commit to therapy or to repairing the relationship. Rebuilding trust is a crucial component of marriage therapy, but when the affair is still ongoing, it’s impossible to establish a foundation of trust necessary for productive therapy sessions. It’s also impossible for the unfaithful partner to begin to emotionally invest in the marriage again. You can’t create safety in your marriage if there is a safety net somewhere else.
Marriage therapy after an affair has ended is often a crucial step to healing and rebuilding the relationship. It is imperative, however, that the affair be discontinued or the individuals be in the process of ending the affair before beginning marriage therapy.
If you have questions about marriage therapy being a good option for your situation, please read more about intensive based marriage therapy and reach out for a free consultation. We can discuss your individual needs and concerns and determine if it is the right fit.
As the wife of a cancer surgeon, I hear about cancer cases every day. The young father who found colon cancer early and is expected to make a full recovery or the grandmother who is being treated for a tiny lump found during a routine mammogram. I also hear about the patient who has a tumor the size of a watermelon in his abdomen and is coming in for the first time. He reports it has been growing for years and causing tremendous pain, but he didn’t want to worry about it. As a marriage therapist, I feel those cases are strikingly similar the ones I see in my office.
Research indicates that on average, couples live in unhappy, distressed marriages for seven years before seeking help from a therapist. By the time they come in for therapy, both partners have spent years hurting and disconnected. Continue Reading
“We don’t see things as they are, we see them as we are.”
~ Anais Nin
One cold wintery day, my oldest daughter, who was two at the time, woke up to a blanket of snow outside. Having no previous recollection of playing in the snow, she was anxious to go out and build a snowman with her dad. Unfortunately, having recently moved from a warmer climate, I had no boots or gloves for her, but she was determined. So I bundled her up in her coat and hat and then put two pairs of socks on her feet with her tennis shoes and two pairs of socks on her hands. Grinning from ear to ear, she ran out into the powdery snow and began making tracks through the yard. Watching from the window, I saw her delight as she and her dad built a meager yet important snowman. When I could tell they were getting ready to come in, I went into the bathroom and started filling the tub with warm water. When she came in, she was delighted and frozen. Her little face was red, and her hands and feet were icicles. I’m not sure the socks helped at all. I stripped off all her wet clothes, and with the anticipation of hot chocolate, she climbed into the tub. Instantly, she started screaming, “IT’S HOT!” I quickly yanked her out of the tub and felt the water. “Sweetheart, it’s not hot,” I reassured her as I picked her up and placed her right back into that water. “It IS hot!” she screamed. Yanking her out of the tub again, I realized that of course, the water felt hot.
