Intensive Marriage Therapy
All bleeding stops…eventually. So the saying goes.
Medical residency is tough–it’s physically, emotionally and intellectually exhausting. The demands of medical training consume our time and our energy. It’s the nature of the beast. Add in a marriage and maybe a few kids (we have four) and finding balance between medical training and family relationships can become a daunting challenge. Continue Reading
After a year or two of medical school, I recognized my wife’s life would have been much easier had I chosen a different career. Our college friends had graduated and within a few years had solid jobs, new cars, fancy homes and a 40 hour work week. The years of poverty, the unpredictable schedule, the long hours and stress of it all affected my spouse as much as, and often more than, it affected me. Continue Reading
During my internship, I realized that residency is insatiable—there is never and will never be enough time to satisfy its demands. There are always patients to see, labs to check, notes to write, pages to return, articles to read, conferences to attend, presentations to prepare and research to work on. Like a gas, those demands quickly dispense into whatever space it is given. Continue Reading
With the strains of medical training on relationships, we naturally look for advocates – we want to find someone who will validate our side of the story. I experienced such a scenario dozens of times – a doctor speaking negatively about their spouse to co-workers or friends in an attempt to feel justified or be validated. And what often happened? Others join in, relating their own situations or complaints. Rather than smolder the tension between spouses, the fire is fueled. Continue Reading
I’m sure we received the same counsel you did on your wedding day: “Keep courting your spouse your entire marriage.” True, it is great advice, but the stress and time constraints of residency can easily push aside our commitment to courtship and romance. My wife and I found little ways to show each other our love, appreciation and commitment–love notes left on the kitchen counter; a thoughtful text in the middle of the day; candlelight spaghetti dinner after the kids went to bed. Continue Reading
Question: My family (including two small children) and I are relocating this summer for my husband’s residency to a city where I know no one. I am scared about leaving our support network of friends and family nearby. Can you offer advice on starting over in a new place?
I would guess that almost every physician family has experienced this question. Moving for a new job can be difficult – as can moving for residency, moving for medical school, or just moving in general! There are many ways to approach a move and make the transition smoother. Below are some suggestions for how to keep your family connected during the change.
