emotionally focused therapy Archives

Does Your Partner Have a Frozen Heart? Relationship Lessons From Frozen

by Dr. Kim Blackham

This is the second in a three-part series of understanding EFT through the characters in Disney’s Frozen. If you missed the first article, I’d encourage you to start there. “Do You Wanna Build A Snowman”

After unintentionally harming Anna with her power to freeze, Elsa’s parents warn her to stop experiencing emotion, hide her power, and not let anyone see. Feeling so much shame for the power she possesses and her mistake of hurting her sister, she convinces herself:

Don’t let them in. Don’t let them see.

Be the good girl, you always have to be.

Conceal, don’t feel, put on a show

Make one wrong move and everyone will know.Continue Reading

Does Your Partner Have a Frozen Heart? Relationship Lessons From Frozen Part 1

by Dr. Kim Blackham

Have you seen Disney’s newest movie, Frozen? I just got home from the movie theater and can hardly wait to write this post. In addition to loving the music and animation, I was enthralled with the depth of human emotion and relationship insight that was depicted in the story. Sometimes Disney portrays key human experiences so clearly, there is really no reason for a more sophisticated way to teach it.

In the theater, I experienced the same story that I see over and over with couples in my office. It was a clear reflection of the hurt that so many people feel.

It was like Walt Disney meets Emotionally Focused Therapy!Continue Reading

Secure Connection Actually Rewires our Brain

by Dr. Kim Blackham

Within the last twenty years, the advances in neuroscience technology have made it possible for us to really understand how our brain and body react to certain situations. With the use of fMRI (Functional Magnetic Resonance Imaging) machines, we can now see the brain activity in the very moment that something is happening.

This is really exciting in the field of relationships. Love is no longer the mystery is has been for centuries. We no longer have to wonder what creates secure, loving connection. We now know. We can see it on brain scans. We know what it looks like, and we know how to create it.

Once secure, our relationships with other people affect not only our emotions, but also our physical health and responses.

In this cool video, you’ll see a quick explanation of how secure connection actually rewires the brain.

Hold Me Tight Book Review

by Dr. Kim Blackham

Many people ask me if I can recommend a marriage book for them.

Without hesitation, the book I continually refer to is Dr. Sue Johnson’s Hold Me Tight.

Dr. Johnson is an international leader in the field of marriage and family therapy. Over the last 15 years, she has pioneered significant research into what creates secure, loving connection in adult love relationships–and into understanding how it goes wrong.

Hold Me Tight is different from other self-help books in that it is not just “good advice” or a gimmicky approach to understanding men and women. Rather, it is a book designed to help you understand yourself and your partner on a much deeper level.