The September 2014 edition of Parent’s Magazine featured me in their article on how to keep kids from interrupting.
Children interrupting is one of the more aggravating aspects of parenting. It can seem that no matter how hard you try, teaching preschoolers appropriate manners feels like a losing battle. In addition to the great suggestions offered in the article, here are a few more things you can consider.
The number one reason preschoolers interrupt is because they have something important to say! It may not seem pressing to an adult, but to a three-year-old, a lost toy is a big deal. Try to remember they are not intentionally being rude or trying to embarrass you.
The second reason preschoolers interrupt is for reassurance that they matter.
Unfortunately, most parents and caregivers follow the advice to ignore a child when they interrupt, which only heightens their fear of not being important and makes the behavior worse. The best thing a parent or caregiver can do is reassure the child that they are seen and that what they have to say matters.
Teach children appropriate ways to interrupt:
- Explain that what they have to say matters to you, so they will need to wait until you finish what you are doing in order to give them your full attention.
- Teach them when they need to interrupt, to place their hand on your arm or knee. Immediately place your hand over theirs and hold it there until you can respond. This reassures the child that you are aware of them and will get to them.
- Remember that moments feel like hours to a preschooler, so as soon as you can, thank the child for interrupting appropriately and give them your focused attention. It usually only takes a few seconds to kiss a sore finger, smile at a new drawing, or offer a reassuring hug. Most of the time the child will go back to playing, and you can reengage in your previous conversation or activity.
- If the child forgets and interrupts in a disruptive way, hold up a finger to remind her to wait and then respond positively as soon as you can. If a child is very disruptive and has difficulty waiting, remind her of the steps to get your attention and say, “Let’s try that again.” Do-overs count! Praise them when they get it right the second time.
- Be realistic in your expectations. Having a 90-minute telephone conversation with your preschooler at your feet is a recipe for disaster. Engage the child in other activities before you need a moment without interruption.
- Remember punishing them for interrupting reinforces their fear that they don’t matter, and it will most likely make the situation worse.
