I often hear that one of the biggest hang-ups with family traditions is that they are just one more thing to do. We are already tired and stretched so thin, how are we supposed to manage another thing?
Do you ever experience that same feeling? The time comes for you to implement a tradition that was started years ago – that you didn’t even mean to start as a tradition, but now is expected and feels like a lot of work? Do you ever sit back and wonder if traditions are worth all the effort?
I have found three things helpful in keeping traditions a part of our family.
Remembering why they matter
Learning to simplify and delegate
Eliminating a standard of perfection
Why do Traditions Matter?
Family traditions give us a feeling of security – something we can count on – even when things are changing. They help foster a sense of identity for the family as a whole and cement family unity.
Rituals and family traditions help us:
- Establish and maintain relationships
- Make and mark transitions
- Establish beliefs and meaning
- Help us recover from loss, trauma or betrayal
- Connect us to the past and provide constancy for our future
- Help us celebrate
Learning to Simplify and Delegate
Give other family members the opportunity to be involved.
This is an excerpt from my journal years ago:
It is March 16th and my 10 – and 12-year-old are asking if the Leprechauns are going to come tonight. They don’t really believe that magical Irish men come creeping into our house, overturning chairs, playing with our toys, and peeing green into our toilets. Their anticipation of our St. Patrick’s Day traditions run much deeper than that. This is what we do. This is what they know. This provides an anchor for them and an identity for our family.
But this year, I am not up for it. It probably would only take 30 minutes, but I have a migraine, and I don’t want to go to the trouble. Seeing their eagerness, however, I also don’t want to tell them no. So I came up with a better idea. “Why don’t you set up the house as though the Leprechauns came,” I suggested. “Your brothers will love it! Just do all the things we normally do, and you can even look on Pinterest and come up with some new ideas if you want.”
Their faces lit up and for the next hour and a half, they created quite the ‘proof’ that the Leprechauns had come.
Not only is it helpful to get other people involved, it is rewarding for those who participate in implementing traditions.
Eliminating a standard of perfection
Good enough is good enough.
I often have to remind myself {like everyday} that not everything deserves an “A” effort. In fact, most things don’t. If you can’t keep up with a tradition one year, it’s okay to let it slide. If a family tradition needs modification, that’s okay too. One year my daughter received a letter from the Tooth Fairy that read,
“I am sorry it has taken me six months to get to your house. I have been in Arkansas stuck in peanut butter. Please accept an extra dollar as my apology.”
Love,
The Tooth Fairy
Six months! Talk about EPIC FAIL on the part of the tooth fairy! But, it was good enough, and my daughter was delighted with the extra dollar.
Eliminating a standard of perfection may mean needing to take a break from Pinterest. It can be overwhelming and discouraging to see the elaborate decorations and details that people post of their staged photos. Their homemade Halloween costumes may look amazing, but those of us viewing them don’t consider that the woman’s house was a disaster for a week while she worked to finish them before the trunk or treat.
In this upcoming series of posts, I will talk about different elements of family traditions and rituals and ways to incorporate them more effectively in your family. I invite you to consider ways you can make family traditions and rituals a more relevant part of your family without adding additional stress and guilt.
We’ll start with Family Dinners.
