You’ve heard the term “passive aggression,” but do you really know what it means. Can you accurately identify it in your relationships? In yourself? Do you know how to handle relationships where one person is consistently passive aggressive?
How to Live with Greater Abundance: The Five Principles of Being Generous
After hours of working through Quicken and trying to figure out how to make the next month of medical school work, I sat staring at my computer screen–overwhelmed and exhausted. The financial strain of medical school felt crushing.
No matter how hard I tried, the reality was our monthly loan stipend was significantly less than our family of four needed to live. This particular month, we had unexpected car repairs that I didn’t know how we were going to pay for. I finally walked away from the computer, prayed for the ability to find a solution, and went to bed. Around noon the next day, we received a check in the mail for $50–the exact amount we needed to cover our expenses that month–along with a note from a dear family member that said, “We’ve been thinking about you and thought this might help.”Continue Reading
Finishing Strong: What to do when you hit “the wall”
Often we say it is hard to keep going when you can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. But I think it can be harder to keep going when you do see the light and all the exhaustion catches up to you.
I’m fine being pregnant until 36 weeks. Then I am more than DONE being pregnant and I become convinced it will never end. Medical school, residency, fellowship, my Ph.D.–all of them I have plowed through, trusting that the end will come, but not really focusing on the finish line. But something happens when the finish line comes into view. I crash. It’s like somehow my body knows it is almost finished and I hit a wall. Can you relate? It’s similar to how runners describe hitting a wall. You have pushed yourself so hard that your body begins to shut down and you’re sure you cannot keep going.
So how do you get your second wind? How do you push through the wall and finish the race you’ve been working so hard to run? I think this is where we take some good lessons from marathoners.Continue Reading
When Enough is Enough
Did you know that willpower is a finite resource? It’s true. There comes a point when you can’t just keep telling yourself to keep on.
I was reminded of that this week as the stress level at our house continues to mount with our upcoming move. I found myself frequently reaching for my favorite chocolates. (They really are AMAZING if you need an unhealthy way to help you manage your own stress.)
That’s because I am using my willpower for other things. Such as not yelling at my kids when they interrupt me while I’m on the phone. Or not completely losing it when my husband tells me he is on call again. Or not getting angry at my son’s teacher when something isn’t handled the way I would have liked. All my willpower is being diverted to other emotionally draining situations that when a chocolate covered caramel sounds good, I decide I should probably eat three.Continue Reading
5 Ways to Take Care of You
A few years ago I met with the wife of a urologist who had just started his private practice job. They had three small children and she had chosen to quit her job as an attorney and stay home with them.
She was tired. Residency had taken its toll on their relationship and on her own emotional, physical, and spiritual health. She was so consumed with the business aspect of running their home—laundry, groceries, bills, school—that she admitted that she rarely thought about the needs of her husband.
“I’ve sacrificed so much for him already,” she told me in tears one day. “I am tired. I have nothing more to give.”
There’s a name for what this sweet woman was experiencing: compassion fatigue. It is frequently felt by those in helping professions—doctors, nurses, therapists, etc.—as well as those in the often care-giving roles of mother, wife, husband, or father.Continue Reading
The Way You Tell Your Story Matters
Did you know you can improve the way you feel just by changing the way you talk about your circumstances?
Consider the following examples from my own life:
We raised four children on a tiny income. We never had enough money for the extra things we would have liked to do. We couldn’t afford flights home to be with family for the holidays. We drove extremely old cars, shopped at thrift and consignment stores for our children’s needs, and used coupons whenever we could. My husband routinely worked 100+ hours a week, so we never saw each other. He worked most holidays and weekends, so we never celebrated Christmas on the 25th or birthdays on their actual days. Essentially I was a single parent. It was lonely, depressing, and overwhelming.
Or
During medical training we learned to live simply. We focused our priorities on the things that mattered most to us, and learned that happiness does not come from material possessions. Because we didn’t have much, we developed a deep appreciation for the things we did have. While we often didn’t have money to fly home for the holidays, we created our own family traditions. Some of our Continue Reading
