Go out on a weekly date and get away alone together for as long as possible once a year.

Time alone together is crucial!  When we started residency, we had two small children.  By the time we were finished, seven years later, we had four.  Making date nights and getaways a priority was hard, but absolutely essential!  Continue Reading

Take it in bite sized pieces and expect for things to be hard.

Most of my husband’s rotations would last for two months.  Some rotations were brutal, others were more manageable.  Surviving residency meant that I had to break it down and not see the whole seven years at once.   During those more brutal rotations, I would continually tell myself, “You can do anything for a month.  A month is only four weeks and you can do anything for a week.”  All I had to do was make it to the next rotation and then I just had to make it to the next rotation.  And then he would have a vacation week and we’d be okay again.Continue Reading

Choose to not be Resentful.  Be Flexible and Understanding Instead

Aaron learned to not tell me when he thought he would be home, but instead, to tell me what he had left to do and about how long it would take him to get it done.  I would then tack an extra hour and a half onto that for the unexpected emergency that would always come up and then plan on him around then. Continue Reading

Ignore the Calendar and Set Your Own Holidays

People get sick on holidays, weekends, birthdays, Tuesdays – ok, every day.  Admittedly, when Aaron was on trauma and taking care of victims of preventable accidents there were times I felt like the Disney superhero Mr. Incredible (remember, I have young kids) during the opening scene when he declared, “Can’t the world just stay saved!”  I can’t tell you how many times I had that thought throughout his training.  Can’t people just stay at home, in bed at 2 am and not shoot or stab each other and let my husband come home!  Can’t the world just stay saved!  Continue Reading

Support and Love Each Other.  Talk about Your Needs

Surviving residency meant that we had to be super-efficient with the time that Aaron was around.  There was no time for me to expect him to guess what I needed and for him to try and get it right.

Nor was there time for me to be mad he hadn’t been home  – now that he finally was home.  (Talk about counterproductive.) Continue Reading

Dream About and Envision the Future Together

This isn’t putting off life until training is over, but rather seeing a future where the two of you are together and in love.  Frequently discuss plans and dreams together.  Where do we want to be in ten years?  Where should we vacation to celebrate when all this training is over?  Where do we want to settle?  What will our lives be like then? Continue Reading