It’s July…Happy New Year!

I know, most people celebrate New Years in January, but for some of us, July 1^st is the start of the “new year.”

See, I’m married to a doctor and my husband has been in training for the past 11 years…with two more to go.  Four years of medical school, five years of general surgery residency, two additional years of research and starting July 1^st of this year, two years of surgical oncology fellowship.  Each of these “milestones” or transitions occurred in July.

This July is a big deal for us.

When we were in medical school, he initially thought he wanted to do ophthalmology or radiology, but as he progressed through his different rotations, it became increasingly obvious that neither of those were a good fit for him.  He loved surgery.  He tried to love a different specialty, but his passion as a physician was really in the operating room.Continue Reading

Believe that medical marriages work – even if the chosen path is surgery.

Surviving residency with your marriage intact is possible!  I wish someone had told me that.  Okay, people did tell me that, but only people who didn’t really know.  “Oh, it will be fine.  Just think about how great it will be when he is finished.  Five years isn’t that long.”  When those comments were stacked up with the ones from those who had lived it, the “It was the worst thing we ever did for our marriage,” and “It’s not worth it” won out.  The truth is (from someone who really has lived through it), it really can work and you really can come through with a great marriage!

I honestly would not change the path we have taken.  I am so glad that my husband gets to spend each day doing what he loves. That does not have to come at the expense of your relationship.  I promise.   {Lesson 2}

 

Medical marriages, like military marriages, have unique challenges that are specific to this profession.   Don’t expect other people to understand.  They can’t.

Don’t expect your family or your friends in other professions to understand what a struggle surviving residency really is.  Understanding someone else’s experience is really difficult unless you have lived it.  You and I will never fully understand what their situations are like either. Continue Reading

Time together is worth more than anything.  Guard it, protect it, and buy it when possible.

Because people did not understand Aaron’s schedule, surviving residency meant we had to become very protective of the time he was home.   When he walked in the door, I always hung up the phone.  If he was going to be home, I made every effort to have us there – without friends around.  When he had vacation time, we would carefully consider if and with whom we would be willing to share that time.   Most of the time, we were not willing to share his vacations – even with extended family.  That was really hard for family to understand, but when we were with extended family, our kids were off playing with cousins and aunts and uncles and were still not spending time with their dad.  When we would come back home from the vacation, they still felt like they had not seen him. Continue Reading