Intensive Marriage Therapy
Studies have shown that those in the medical field who live life with the “When this is over, then we will….” mentality are unhappy in their relationships and in their job satisfaction. Medical training is a very long process. My husband will have been in school or training for 17 years since high school before he is actually able to practice his chosen specialty. 17 years! He will be almost 40, poor guy.Continue Reading
People get sick on holidays, weekends, birthdays, Tuesdays – ok, every day. Admittedly, when Aaron was on trauma and taking care of victims of preventable accidents there were times I felt like the Disney superhero Mr. Incredible (remember, I have young kids) during the opening scene when he declared, “Can’t the world just stay saved!” I can’t tell you how many times I had that thought throughout his training. Can’t people just stay at home, in bed at 2 am and not shoot or stab each other and let my husband come home! Can’t the world just stay saved! Continue Reading
Surviving residency meant that we had to be super-efficient with the time that Aaron was around. There was no time for me to expect him to guess what I needed and for him to try and get it right.
Nor was there time for me to be mad he hadn’t been home – now that he finally was home. (Talk about counterproductive.) Continue Reading
This isn’t putting off life until training is over, but rather seeing a future where the two of you are together and in love. Frequently discuss plans and dreams together. Where do we want to be in ten years? Where should we vacation to celebrate when all this training is over? Where do we want to settle? What will our lives be like then? Continue Reading
A traveler was walking alone down a country lane. The Sun and the North Wind decided to have a contest to see who could remove the traveler’s overcoat. The North Wind tried first. He blew and he blew around the traveler as fiercely as he could, trying to rip the coat from the traveler–but the traveler wrapped his coat more closely around him and held it tighter. The more the North Wind blew, the tighter the traveler hugged the coat. Then the Sun said, “Let me try,” and as she gently shone her warmth on the traveler, the traveler opened his coat, and within minutes took it off.” (Aesop Fable, recently quoted by Alison Lee, Ph.D., EFT Community News 2013)
In our attempts to get a response from our loved ones, we often think we need to push harder and increase the intensity our efforts. We think that the harder we try, the more likely we will be to get them to understand our truest, deepest desires.
This is such a normal and frustrating feeling–especially when we feel a disconnection in our most important relationships. And it is a natural progression:
When we feel physically threatened–maybe a barking dog comes running toward us, or we hear a strange creak on the stairs at night–our minds naturally shift into one of two modes: either we leap up to fight off the danger, or we are petrified with fear.
When we feel emotionally threatened, we respond in the same way: we fight back, or we freeze and flee. The North Wind response, when we push our loved ones to respond, is our way of fighting for the relationship and the connection we so deeply crave. Continue Reading
Sometimes it’s hard to figure out how to make date night successful when you’re both exhausted and have a lot going on. It can be easy to get caught up in thinking that you need to be extra creative for it to “count,” or that you have to go out and do something extravagant. But the truth is, sometimes the simplest things can be the most meaningful.
It’s worth considering why marriage therapists often recommend date nights. The best research in the field of marriage and family therapy, consistently supports that maintaining a strong connection with your partner is essential for a happy and successful marriage.
Disconnection is the number one cause of divorce. What truly distinguishes couples who experience satisfaction in their relationship from those who don’t is a deep friendship and safe connection. When partners are able to truly listen to each other’s needs and desires, and respond with kindness and understanding, their bond grows stronger and more fulfilling over time. This requires both parties to be willing to put in the time and effort to understand and support each other, even when it may be difficult, uncomfortable, or inconvenient. It’s not about grand gestures or constant excitement, but rather the small moments of connection and support that build a strong foundation for a lasting friendship. Connection takes time and intention to build. Ultimately, it is this commitment to time, honesty, vulnerability, fun, and mutual respect that sets successful couples apart from those who struggle to find happiness and fulfillment in their relationships.
It’s true that building strong connections with others is not something that just happens by chance. We have to actively choose to invest in those relationships and then protect them as one of our most valuable assets. Because in reality, those connections are truly priceless.
