Dr. Kim Blackham

Intensive Marriage Therapy

3 Steps to Improving Your Non-Verbal Communication

by Dr. Kim Blackham

Couples are often unaware of how incredibly attuned we are to each other’s non-verbal cues–and of how powerfully those cues impact our sense of security in our relationships.

I saw this scenario play out recently with a couple in my office.  Tim was trying to explain how he felt like a huge disappointment to Pam.

“It’s just,” he began,  “I want to get it right for you.”

He was sitting on the edge of the sofa, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees and his hands clasped under his neatly trimmed beard.  Watching him search for the words, it was obvious to me that he had never communicated any of these inner feelings to anyone before–certainly not to Pam.   Continue Reading

7 Strategies for Creating a Successful Holiday Season

by Dr. Kim Blackham

 

Holidays can be an especially hard time for couples, because each holiday inherently comes with its own expectations.  One of the challenges everyone faces in their relationships is how to deal with the discrepancy between expectation and reality.

When you expect something to go one way (having a quiet holiday dinner at home with your family)and the reality turns out differently (you’re late getting home from work and miss the festivities, or your spouse’s pager goes off as just you’re passing the dinner rolls), it is easy to be disappointed.  No wonder the holidays–meant as a time to return to peace and joy–are sometimes anything but peaceful and joyful!

Luckily, there are several things you and your partner can do to get on the same page before the festivities begin.  These small and simple things will help you create a celebration you can both enjoy:

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Breaking Free: Escaping the Pursue-Withdraw Cycle in Your Relationship

by Dr. Kim Blackham

One of the most prevalent fears in relationships is the fear of disconnection, where individuals are deeply afraid of not feeling valued, important, or capable of meeting expectations. This fear can significantly impact how we perceive ourselves and our relationships.

These overwhelming fears of disconnection and inadequacy are not limited to intense arguments alone.

These overwhelming fears of disconnection and inadequacy are not limited to intense arguments alone. These larger-than-life anxieties are often triggered in normal, day-to-day interactions your partner. It could be something as simple as the tone of your partner’s voice when you arrive home late or the blank stare you get when you are talking about something important and your partner doesn’t seem to be listening.  These seemingly small instances can trigger those enormous fears.

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Making Moments Matter

by Dr. Kim Blackham

It’s finally starting to feel like fall in Florida–well, kind of anyway.  It was while I was enjoying the crisper air and smell of newly-fallen leaves that I relearned a lesson I have been learning for at least the last two decades.

Smiling young mother has a good time in conversations with the son of preschool age

My six year old son asked me to go outside with him while he rode his bike. I brought a book and a highlighter out with me so I could continue to be productive. (I always have a book and a highlighter.) But this time, rather than opening my book, I just sat and watched him. I thought about what a good kid he is, how he’s gotten so big, how he always opens the door for me, and how he makes me laugh.Continue Reading

The Power of Positive Thinking for Your Marriage

by Dr. Kim Blackham

The fear of parallel living, of growing apart and becoming mere roommates, is a sentiment that many couples can relate to. It’s a fear born out of the realization that maintaining a deep and meaningful connection in marriage requires effort and intentionality. In a world where disconnection is often seen as inevitable, it can be challenging to hold onto hope and believe in the possibility of something different.

Your relationship doesn’t have to follow the same patterns as the stories you hear around you. By shifting your mindset and daring to believe in the possibility of a different outcome, you opened the door for transformation. When you change your mindset and believe in the possibility of a happy, connected marriage, your relationship can change.

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