Blog Archives

Does Your Partner Shut Down and Withdraw?

by Dr. Kim Blackham

I had a client once tell me that when he watched Star Trek as a child, he’d wish that he could be a Vulcan–that he too could be completely disconnected from emotion.

For him, it was just too difficult to experience the constant pain of his emotions. So, he made a deliberate choice to shut off his feelings entirely.

He was what Emotionally Focused Therapists call a withdrawer. When faced with emotionally threatening situations–criticism from a trusted friend, a fight with his wife–he would withdraw and shut down.

His wife was confused, hurt, and frightened by his response. To her, he seemed to be pulling away for good, abandoning their relationship–and her.Continue Reading

How Do I Know the Difference Between Baby Blues and Postpartum Depression?

by Dr. Kim Blackham

Having a baby is one of life’s significant changes–whether it’s your first or sixth, it is always an adjustment for your body and your life. Women are very susceptible to depression during pregnancy and the postpartum period. Because of that, it is essential to tune into yourself and be aware of how your body responds during this time.

There are two significant ways to differentiate between “baby blues” and postpartum depression.

The Secrets of Making Date Night Successful–Before and After Marriage

by Dr. Kim Blackham

Sometimes it’s hard to figure out how to make date night successful when you’re both exhausted and have a lot going on. It can be easy to get caught up in thinking that you need to be extra creative for it to “count,” or that you have to go out and do something extravagant. But the truth is, sometimes the simplest things can be the most meaningful.

It’s worth considering why marriage therapists often recommend date nights. The best research in the field of marriage and family therapy, consistently supports that maintaining a strong connection with your partner is essential for a happy and successful marriage.

Connection, connection, connection.

Disconnection is the number one cause of divorce. What truly distinguishes couples who experience satisfaction in their relationship from those who don’t is a deep friendship and safe connection. When partners are able to truly listen to each other’s needs and desires, and respond with kindness and understanding, their bond grows stronger and more fulfilling over time. This requires both parties to be willing to put in the time and effort to understand and support each other, even when it may be difficult, uncomfortable, or inconvenient. It’s not about grand gestures or constant excitement, but rather the small moments of connection and support that build a strong foundation for a lasting friendship. Connection takes time and intention to build. Ultimately, it is this commitment to time, honesty, vulnerability, fun, and mutual respect that sets successful couples apart from those who struggle to find happiness and fulfillment in their relationships.

Connection takes contact, kindness, and consistency.

It’s true that building strong connections with others is not something that just happens by chance. We have to actively choose to invest in those relationships and then protect them as one of our most valuable assets. Because in reality, those connections are truly priceless.

Surprisingly Simple Ways to Help Children Develop Empathy

by Dr. Kim Blackham

As a parent or caregiver, teaching children about empathy can be a real challenge. It’s not a trait that comes naturally to most kids, especially in today’s society, where self-interest tends to be the norm. That’s why it’s essential to provide children with guidance and support as they learn to understand and care about the feelings of others. With time, patience, and positive reinforcement, you can help your child develop a strong sense of empathy that will serve them well throughout their lives.

The following exercises are not only fun, but also effective in helping children become more empathetic.

I Wonder

Go to a public location where you can sit and watch other people coming and going–somewhere like the airport, a mall, a park, a fair, a sporting event, etc.

Find a place to sit that is in an area of moderately heavy traffic. You want it to be busy but not crowded. Then start asking your child questions:

What do you notice about these people?
Where do you think they are going?
Can you pick out a particular person?
Tell me about them: Who are they with? Why are they here?

Why Emotional Intelligence is Your Child’s #1 Key to Success

by Dr. Kim Blackham

You have probably heard about IQ (Intelligence Quotient), a measure of cognitive intelligence. It is often used to assess a person’s ability to reason, learn, and solve problems. Emotional intelligence (referred to as EQ or emotional quotient) is the ability to identify, understand, and manage one’s own emotions, as well as to recognize and respond appropriately to the emotions of others. It involves skills such as empathy, self-awareness, and effective communication.

Emotional intelligence is important for personal and professional success, as it can help individuals build stronger relationships, make better decisions, and navigate social situations more effectively. For these reasons, it is the #1 key to success for both you and your child.

When we understand our own emotions, we are better able to regulate them.

If we feel angry and don’t understand why we’re angry, our outbursts and feelings become much more difficult to control. Identifying the root cause of our emotions helps us manage and communicate them effectively. We are able to move forward with positive coping mechanisms and emotional regulation rather than react in ways that damage relationships and increase our pain.

Ultimately, those with high levels of emotional intelligence have high levels of empathy.

Empathy is the ability to feel and experience someone else’s emotions.