Blog Archives

How to Set Boundaries without Feeling Guilty

by Dr. Kim Blackham

Lot’s of people wonder, how to set boundaries without feeling guilty or hurting other people. In answering that, I think it’s helpful to first understand what a boundary is. The term “boundaries” is something we hear about a lot, but many of us don’t fully understand what it means. Dr’s Henry Cloud and John Townsend define boundaries in a way that I think is pretty easy to understand. They suggest we think about boundaries as property lines. Where I end and you begin. If I had a neighbor who wanted to let their dog roam the neighborhood and it came into my yard, frightened my children, and left a mess for me to clean up, I would be pretty upset. But what about the neighbor who may want to come trim my bushes, mow my lawn, and dig up some of my flower beds without my permission. That would probably feel wrong as well. Those things are within the boundaries of my property line and therefore shouldn’t be encroached on without my permission.

Personal boundaries are very much the same. Continue Reading

Do Hard Things

by Dr. Kim Blackham

*This is part of our Stories of Strength series. I want to thank the generous contributor who so courageously shared her story. ~ Kim

Food and sleep…food and sleep…food and sleep. From age 17 to age 19, those were the only 2 things over which I had control in my life and the only two things in which I found comfort. I was living with my boyfriend who started out as my knight in shining armor, until he started beating me. He came to control every aspect of my life, except what I ate and when I slept. Ice cream and a warm bed – oh sweet deliverance!

Through the tender mercies of a loving Father in Heaven, my relationship with him ended after 2 years, and a new relationship with Christ began. I became reacquainted with myself and married my love the following year. New-found happiness did not heal the physical & emotional scars of abuse, and my unhealthy relationship with food continued.

At times, I still felt consumed by anger & fear.

Then, 13 years after the abuse began and 11 years after it ended, I decided that I needed to forgive. I needed to be able to forgive him, and I thought that perhaps he might need forgiveness for himself. Continue Reading

How Do I Know if We Need Marriage Counseling?

by Dr. Kim Blackham

If you have ever asked yourself, “Do we need marriage counseling?” then that is a pretty good indication that you should pursue that thought.

I believe that dedicating time to improving your relationship can be beneficial for every couple. Seeking guidance from a professional marriage therapist can help you develop the best possible relationship.

Romantic relationships are one of those things that few of us receive any training in. The only knowledge we have comes from watching our parents and other couples, and our own past romantic relationships. Most of the time, those are not the best teachers.

Yet there is often a lot of hesitation and shame associated with couples counseling. We are afraid of what others will think if they find out we are seeing a marriage therapist. Or maybe there is the fear that marriage therapy won’t work. It is a big investment – in time, money, and emotional energy. “Do I really want to invest so much when I’m not sure really we need marriage counseling or that it will help?”Continue Reading

The Qualities We Admire in Adults, We Stifle in Children

by Dr. Kim Blackham

Oxytocin: The Chemical of Connection

by Dr. Kim Blackham

Your brain is hard-wired for connection. Social bonding is an essential part of being human. Feeling close and connected and accepted by others is not just a nice idea; it is necessary for thriving.

What triggers oxytocin release?

When we engage in socially bonding experiences such as hugging, kissing, spending time with loved ones, thinking about someone we care about, or having emotionally connected conversations, our brain produces a hormone called oxytocin.

How does oxytocin make you feel?

Often referred to as the “love hormone” or “cuddle hormone,” oxytocin can increase feelings of trust and empathy. The improved sense of trust can strengthen the emotional connection between partners, leading to a more fulfilling and satisfying marriage.

The Power of Empathy: If We Could Look Into Each Other’s Hearts

by Dr. Kim Blackham

The following video clip beautifully illustrates the power of empathy, which is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another person. Empathy allows us to step into someone else’s shoes, truly listen to their experiences, and relate to their emotions. It goes beyond sympathy or pity; it is a genuine effort to connect and validate the human experience.