Blog Archives

9 Surefire Ways to Sabotage Your Relationship

by Dr. Kim Blackham

Have you ever wondered what the most effective way to ruin a relationship would be? Below are 9 simple and surefire ways to sabotage yours.

1. Criticize your partner, point out all his or her flaws, and demand that he or she fix them. This kind of interaction will certainly help things fall apart quickly. The meaner and more cutting your tone, the better. And don’t forget facial expressions. Make sure they are condescending and clearly communicate your disapproval.

2. Ignore your partner, shut him or her out, appear emotionless and totally unresponsive. If you want to get the fights going and increase the fear and panic in your partner, this is the way to go. Talk logically and reasonably, and make sure to stick to the facts. Facts really don’t matter in relationships as much as the connection, so if you stick to the facts, you are sure to back the relationship into a corner where it can begin to deteriorate.Continue Reading

How to Beat the Box Office and Protect Your Kids

by Dr. Kim Blackham

The new movie has come out in the theaters and your 10 year old wants to go see it with some of her friends. You don’t know anyone who has seen it yet, so you aren’t sure if it is appropriate for her or not. What do you do?

As a parent, we find ourselves in this situation so frequently.

Media is so readily available – in so many forms. How are we to know which ones fits our family standards or not?

I have two favorite resources for measuring media content against our family standards.

Does Your Relationship Have Stage 4 Cancer?

by Dr. Kim Blackham

As the wife of a cancer surgeon, I hear about cancer cases every day. The young father who found colon cancer early and is expected to make a full recovery or the grandmother who is being treated for a tiny lump found during a routine mammogram. I also hear about the patient who has a tumor the size of a watermelon in his abdomen and is coming in for the first time. He reports it has been growing for years and causing tremendous pain, but he didn’t want to worry about it. As a marriage therapist, I feel those cases are strikingly similar the ones I see in my office.

Research indicates that on average, couples live in unhappy, distressed marriages for seven years before seeking help from a therapist. By the time they come in for therapy, both partners have spent years hurting and disconnected. Continue Reading

My Marriage Tips Featured in Woman’s Day Magazine

by Dr. Kim Blackham

Tired of the same old marriage tips? Some of my suggestions were recently featured in Woman’s Day Magazine. Have you tried these before?

Hug for 2 minutes and kiss for 30 seconds each day. “Often, kisses and hugs become mechanical and quick,” says marriage and family therapist Kim Blackham. The problem: Those hurried pecks and embraces don’t offer the same feel-good benefits longer stretches of physical intimacy do. “Oxytocin, a chemical our bodies release when we touch one another, emotionally connects people,” says Blackham. No need to set a timer, says Blackham, but do extend your hugs and kisses longer than you normally would; you’ll feel a new sense of connection.

Take a walk together. If you’re trying to decide how you two should handle your daughter’s poor report card, hit the pavement. Not only will the fresh air clear your minds but also “the very act of walking in the same direction can help you two feel as though you’re on the same team and want the same result,” explains Blackham. Physically heading to one place makes you more likely to be mentally in sync; it’s like you’re standing together instead of confronting each other.

Read More

What little things do you do that have helped keep you and your honey connected? Leave your suggestion below.

Warning: Do Not Follow The Golden Rule

by Dr. Kim Blackham

When I think back to the formal relationship education I was given as a child, it centered around two main ideas: “If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all,” and “Remember the Golden Rule: Treat others how you would want to be treated.”

I don’t know about you, but both of those rules have actually gotten me into a lot of trouble. In thinking they would help relationships, they have both actually made relationships more strained.

Let me start with the Golden Rule: Treat others how you would want to be treated. Sounds simple enough, right. The message being that if you treat everyone around you like you want everyone to treat you, than you will have friends, get along with your siblings and even have solid romantic relationships.

The problem is, the Golden Rule has a massive flaw. It assumes that everyone around you, is just like you. That other people want and need the same things that you want and need, and that you should automatically be able to figure them out based on your own experience.

Is Therapy Confidential?

by Dr. Kim Blackham

Confidentiality is a fundamental aspect of therapy and is crucial for the client to feel safe in therapy and trust the therapist with intimate details of their lives. When you engage in therapy, it is important to understand that the information you share is generally treated as confidential, and professional and ethical guidelines bind therapists to uphold this confidentiality. Here are some key points to consider:

Legal and Ethical Obligations

Therapists are legally and ethically obligated to maintain the confidentiality of their clients. They are bound by professional codes of ethics and, in many jurisdictions, by laws that protect client privacy.

Professional Standards

Therapists receive training on confidentiality both in their initial education to become a therapist and in their continuing education to maintain their license. They know the importance of safeguarding client information and are committed to providing a safe and confidential environment for clients to share their concerns.

Information Sharing

Therapists are typically not allowed to disclose any information about their clients without their consent, unless there are legal requirements or safety concerns. This means they cannot share information with religious leaders, educators, bosses, or anyone else without written authorization from the client.

Exceptions to Confidentiality

There are limited circumstances in which therapists may be legally and ethically required to break confidentiality. These include situations where there is a risk of harm to oneself or others, suspicion of child abuse or elder abuse, or a court order requiring the disclosure of information.

Informed Consent

At the beginning of therapy, therapists typically discuss confidentiality and the limits to it with their clients. This ensures that clients have a clear understanding of what is expected and can provide informed consent to engage in therapy.

Conclusion

Confidentiality is crucial for building trust between the client and therapist. When clients feel that their information is treated with utmost care and confidentiality, they are more likely to feel safe and comfortable opening up and sharing their concerns. That is the only way for therapy to be effective.