Blog Archives

Why Pursuers Pursue

by Dr. Kim Blackham

In many relationships, there are individuals who naturally take on the role of pursuers. These individuals have a deep yearning for emotional connection and closeness with their partners. Unlike withdrawers who tend to suppress their needs and emotions, pursuing partners are driven to address relationship issues. They are driven by an internal belief system that emphasizes the importance of open communication, sharing of emotions, and understanding as the path to resolving conflicts and strengthening the bond.

In this article, we will explore the underlying motivations behind why pursuers pursue and how their behaviors contribute to the dynamics of relationships. By gaining insights into their perspective, we can develop a deeper understanding of their needs and the challenges they face in their pursuit of emotional intimacy.

What I learned from my 2016 Reader Survey

by Dr. Kim Blackham

I want to offer a great big THANK YOU!!! to everyone who took my Reader Survey. I was surprised how many of you responded! Maybe it is the researcher in me, but it was so fun to analyze the results and learn more about YOU and what YOU want.

As my audience as grown tremendously over the last year, I want to make sure I know who you are and how best to serve you. I have already started to come up with a game plan of how to implement the feedback you provided me. In the meantime, I thought you might be interested in the results.

Based on your answers, I have created a typical reader profile.Continue Reading

Making Time for Your Medical Marriage

by Dr. Kim Blackham

There have been several studies done trying to understand medical marriages and relationship satisfaction. In one study, researchers found that most partners/spouses (86.8%) were happy and satisfied in their relationship.

A happy young couple relaxing together

They also found that the number one predictor of relationship satisfaction was the amount of time a couple spent together (and awake!) each day. Physician specialty, work hours, and practice setting didn’t seem to matter–just the number of nights on call per week.Continue Reading

10 More Medical Marriage Tips – Guest Post

by Dr. Kim Blackham

Guest Post by Maria Eniss

After posting Surviving Residency: The 10 Things I Learned While My Husband was a General Surgery Resident, I received an email from a friend of mine and fellow surgeon’s wife. Maria Ennis is the wife of a Critical Care/Trauma Surgeon and is the mother of five.

She was already a couple of years into residency when we met and our husbands began working together. A couple of things always impressed me about Maria. While her husband was working crazy hours, she was able to continue her work as a NICU nurse on a very part-time basis. She worked when she wanted to, yet had the flexibility to manage her family at the same time. Continue Reading

7 Strategies for Creating a Successful Holiday Season

by Dr. Kim Blackham

Holidays can be an especially hard time for couples, because each holiday inherently comes with its own expectations. One of the challenges everyone faces in their relationships is how to deal with the discrepancy between expectation and reality.

When you expect something to go one way (having a quiet holiday dinner at home with your family)and the reality turns out differently (you’re late getting home from work and miss the festivities, or your spouse’s pager goes off as just you’re passing the dinner rolls), it is easy to be disappointed. No wonder the holidays–meant as a time to return to peace and joy–are sometimes anything but peaceful and joyful!

Luckily, there are several things you and your partner can do to get on the same page before the festivities begin. These small and simple things will help you create a celebration you can both enjoy:

Breaking Free: Escaping the Pursue-Withdraw Cycle in Your Relationship

by Dr. Kim Blackham

One of the most prevalent fears in relationships is the fear of disconnection, where individuals are deeply afraid of not feeling valued, important, or capable of meeting expectations. This fear can significantly impact how we perceive ourselves and our relationships.

These overwhelming fears of disconnection and inadequacy are not limited to intense arguments alone.

These overwhelming fears of disconnection and inadequacy are not limited to intense arguments alone. These larger-than-life anxieties are often triggered in normal, day-to-day interactions your partner. It could be something as simple as the tone of your partner’s voice when you arrive home late or the blank stare you get when you are talking about something important and your partner doesn’t seem to be listening. These seemingly small instances can trigger those enormous fears.