Blog - Dr. Kim Blackham

Finding a Marriage Therapist

by Dr. Kim Blackham

Deciding to see a therapist can feel a overwhelming. Who should I see? What specialty should I look for? How will I know they are the right fit?

All of these are really good questions and I hope I can help you answer them.

The most important thing to remember in looking for a good therapist is to be a good consumer. Therapy is like any other service you buy. You are investing your time, money, and hope in the therapist’s ability to help you. Ask lots of questions. If for some reason you do not feel that the therapist is a good fit for you, it is okay to not reschedule another appointment and to keep looking for someone who does fit well for you. Below are some important things to consider and some specific questions to ask as you are speaking to therapists to find the right fit.

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How to Set Boundaries without Feeling Guilty

by Dr. Kim Blackham

Lot’s of people wonder, how to set boundaries without feeling guilty or hurting other people. In answering that, I think it’s helpful to first understand what a boundary is. The term “boundaries” is something we hear about a lot, but many of us don’t fully understand what it means. Dr’s Henry Cloud and John Townsend define boundaries in a way that I think is pretty easy to understand. They suggest we think about boundaries as property lines. Where I end and you begin. If I had a neighbor who wanted to let their dog roam the neighborhood and it came into my yard, frightened my children, and left a mess for me to clean up, I would be pretty upset. But what about the neighbor who may want to come trim my bushes, mow my lawn, and dig up some of my flower beds without my permission. That would probably feel wrong as well. Those things are within the boundaries of my property line and therefore shouldn’t be encroached on without my permission.

Personal boundaries are very much the same. Continue Reading

Do Hard Things

by Dr. Kim Blackham

*This is part of our Stories of Strength series. I want to thank the generous contributor who so courageously shared her story. ~ Kim

Food and sleep…food and sleep…food and sleep. From age 17 to age 19, those were the only 2 things over which I had control in my life and the only two things in which I found comfort. I was living with my boyfriend who started out as my knight in shining armor, until he started beating me. He came to control every aspect of my life, except what I ate and when I slept. Ice cream and a warm bed – oh sweet deliverance!

Through the tender mercies of a loving Father in Heaven, my relationship with him ended after 2 years, and a new relationship with Christ began. I became reacquainted with myself and married my love the following year. New-found happiness did not heal the physical & emotional scars of abuse, and my unhealthy relationship with food continued.

At times, I still felt consumed by anger & fear.

Then, 13 years after the abuse began and 11 years after it ended, I decided that I needed to forgive. I needed to be able to forgive him, and I thought that perhaps he might need forgiveness for himself. Continue Reading