A few years ago I met with the wife of a urologist who had just started his private practice job. They had three small children and she had chosen to quit her job as an attorney and stay home with them.
She was tired. Residency had taken its toll on their relationship and on her own emotional, physical, and spiritual health. She was so consumed with the business aspect of running their home—laundry, groceries, bills, school—that she admitted that she rarely thought about the needs of her husband.
“I’ve sacrificed so much for him already,” she told me in tears one day. “I am tired. I have nothing more to give.”
There’s a name for what this sweet woman was experiencing: compassion fatigue. It is frequently felt by those in helping professions—doctors, nurses, therapists, etc.—as well as those in the often care-giving roles of mother, wife, husband, or father.
There is a story in the New Testament that I think captures this idea perfectly. Christ was walking through a crowd of people when a woman with an issue of blood reached out and touched his garment. He knew someone had touched Him because he felt virtue leave Him. {See Luke 8: 43-48}
When we care for other people, it literally takes something from us. Something goes out of us too. And if we are not careful to replenish ourselves, we will eventually burn out.
Here are 5 simple ways you can start taking better care of yourself, so you can feel better and avoid compassion fatigue:
Get enough sleep.
I know. What a stupid thing to say to physicians and physician spouses. Sometimes the amount of sleep you get is completely out of your control. Other times, however, we do have a choice. When you are tired, everything is more overwhelming. When you can, make an effort to get the rest you need–and don’t hesitate to take a nap if you need to catch up.
Take good care of your body.
Eat right, drink enough water and exercise!
It’s easy to hear those things and dismiss them, thinking there is just no way to make it happen right now. That’s not true. Living a healthier lifestyle doesn’t have to be “all or nothing.” Small changes really can go a long way!
Keep a package of nut or protein bars in your office, bag, or car so you can refuel before you get too hungry. These are easy to eat while you are on the go! Doctors can even drop one in the pocket of their white coat before rounds begin.
Choose water instead of a soda. If your body is used to caffeine, it will take a while to wean off of it, but eventually, you will be able to function without it!
Do ten minutes of yoga before bed, or a quick workout routine when you wake up in the morning. If you can’t make it to the gym, make use of technology: you can download workout videos from Amazon or sign up for a professional streaming service like Les Mills On Demand or Beachbody On Demand.
Learn to say “No” (and do it before you are burned out!)
Stephen Covey said, “You have to decide what your highest priorities are and have the courage–pleasantly, smilingly, unapologetically–to say ‘no’ to other things. And the way you do that is by having a bigger ‘yes’ burning inside.”
For many of us, saying “No” is extremely difficult. But it is a lesson that is crucial for us to learn. Sometimes we will have to turn down a good opportunity in order to preserve our energy for the things that matter most.
Have fun.
Fun is usually the last thing on my list. I’m really good at work. Not so good at fun. If you are like me, you’ll have to schedule it and make it a priority. You need to laugh and allow your brain to take a break.
Not sure where to start? Sometimes it helps to think of what you enjoyed as a child. Were you outdoorsy and adventurous as a youngster? Try hiking, gardening, or geocaching. Did you lean more towards creativity or quiet? Pick up a pack of colored pencils and an intricate coloring book or warm up a cozy drink and curl up with a good book.
Don’t deny yourself the little pleasures of daily fun just to mark one more thing off your to-do list.
Spend time away from your responsibilities.
With all the constant demands on your time and energy, it can feel like everyone wants a piece of you. Take time away from the demands of your life, even if it is only for an afternoon. Find a babysitter, lock your office door, turn off your phone, close your email, and step away for a bit.
