Watch what happens for this baby when she does not get a response out of her mother:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IeHcsFqK7So
Does this feel familiar to you?
Are you ever met with a still face, a blank expression, a seemingly indifferent or cold look?
Have you ever found yourself going to great lengths just to get your partner’s attention? It’s interesting that the baby initially starts softly, even invitingly. She smiles, she points. She tries to engage her mother in kind, loving ways. But when she cannot get a response from the mother, she gets increasingly distressed. That is a very common response–not only in children but in all people throughout their lifespan. This response is not unique to babies, but rather a common trait that follows us throughout our lives. We all have an innate need for attention and validation from others. It’s important to remember that this distress is a natural response, just like the withdrawal response we discussed earlier.
It’s interesting to note that individuals who tend to react more strongly in emotionally charged situations are often referred to as “pursuers.” These partners become increasingly distressed and visibly upset when they feel disconnected from their loved one. They may initially try to connect in a gentle and inviting manner, but if they don’t receive a response, they may become more demanding, critical, or even blaming in their pursuit of reassurance.
What happens for you when you see this baby? Can you relate to her experience?
