Support and Love Each Other. Talk about Your Needs
Surviving residency meant that we had to be super-efficient with the time that Aaron was around. There was no time for me to expect him to guess what I needed and for him to try and get it right.
Nor was there time for me to be mad he hadn’t been home – now that he finally was home. (Talk about counterproductive.)
Our communication needed to be clear and real. If I missed him, I needed to tell him and together come up with a plan for how we could spend more time together. If he felt disconnected from the family, I needed to know about it so we could take dinner to the hospital and eat with daddy more often or put the kids on FaceTime for the few minutes before they went to bed.
Strong relationships are not built on communication skills, they are built on vulnerability. Showing up and being real. Many people get hung up on the idea that if you have to ask for it, it doesn’t count. That’s an absolute lie. If you have to ask for it and your spouse delivers, it absolutely counts. There is no way your spouse is going to automatically know everything you need. This is especially true when lives are so busy. He is tired and stressed out too.
Set yourself up for success by sharing your deep and vulnerable feelings without the blame and criticism. Let him know when you are lonely and sad without attacking him and pointing out all the ways he is letting you down. Trust that he wants very much to please you and that he desperately needs to know he is good enough for you. Husband’s need to hear that.
Often.
Like every day.
And husbands, wives need to know that they matter more than anything.
**It will be much easier for her to be understanding and supportive if she does not question that she matters most and that when the day is over, you come home to her as quickly as you can. {Lesson 10}
