A Simpler Way to Make Friends as an Adult

Our children are getting ready to start school on Monday. Having just moved to Pennsylvania, they are understandably concerned about making new friends. As we have talked about this the last few weeks, I’ve been thinking about how we never outgrow the desire to fit in and have friends. Even as adults, we need other people. We need to feel like we belong. We need to feel included.

And yet many adults struggle with making friends too! In a 1985 study, researchers asked participants to list the individuals they could turn to for support. Most participants listed three people. Researchers repeated the study in 2004. This time, the most common response was zero! The researchers found that one in every four people have no one to share their lives with.

Making new friends is hard. Maybe you have recently moved and feel like you are starting over again. Or maybe one of your good friends moved away and now you feel really alone. With all the moving we did with my husband’s training, I have often been the one leaving and the one being left behind. Both of them are hard. Or maybe you are in the same place you’ve been for twenty years, but you still feel like you haven’t connected with anyone and you’re not sure where you belong.

There are many ways we can work to build and develop friendships, but I have found one of the most important is to be willing to invite rather than wait to be invited.

Years ago, my husband and I were often inviting couples and families over for dinner. Over time, however, our family grew, I became more tired, and hosting company began to feel like a lot of work. Slowly we stopped inviting.

And we’ve missed out.

One of our family commitments with this new move is to start having other families over for Sunday dinner again. But I am aware of our life circumstances and my limits to know now that I have to do it differently than I did in the past. No more gourmet meals. No more spotless house. Seriously, which is better–never having anyone over because it’s too much work, or simplifying and building relationships?

I choose relationships.

But in doing so, I’ve made five commitments to simplify inviting guests to dinner.

Use paper plates and disposable utensils

While I love beautiful dishes and beautifully set tables, I don’t love the mess. So we are eating off of paper plates and utensils and saving elaborate place settings for special occasions.

Choose simple meals

I love to cook! That was why when we had company I would make homemade rolls, a gourmet dinner, and decadent dessert. But let’s be real. Even though I love to cook, I don’t love all that work every week. So now we do simple meals for company. Here are some of our favorites: (The links are to one of my favorite food blogs. All I have to do is tell my kids it is one of Mel’s recipes and they will eat it.)

• Chipotle chicken tacos – this works really well. Easy to make chicken. Kids can have quesadillas if they don’t want tacos. Served with side of corn and watermelon.
• Chili and cornbread
• Sloppy joes and corn on the cob
• Kalua pork – chipotle rice bowls or baked potatoes, pulled pork sandwiches
• Rosemary chicken – we love this chicken!  Serve with roasted veggies.
• Spaghetti is always easy. Brown some ground meat and add a couple of jars of pre-made sauce. Forget about the homemade breadsticks. Serve with warmed French or artisan bread.
• Frozen Ravioli – Costco favorite! Find in the freezer section. Layer in a 9 x 13 pan with marinara sauce and Parmesan cheese.
• Meatballs over rice – I haven’t tried Costco’s frozen meatballs, but I have friends and family members who swear by them. Put in a crock-pot with a bottle of bbque sauce and 1 jar grape jelly. Serve with rice and a veggie.
• *Homemade Tomato Soup – (see below for an amazing recipe.)  Serve simply with store-bought Asiago bread or bread bowls with Parmesan cheese.  (We love it with grilled cheese sandwiches, but my vote is that’s too much work to mass produce for company.)

Accept help

If your guests offer to bring something, say yes! They will usually feel more comfortable showing up with something in hand, and it will be one less thing for you to worry about. Have them bring a watermelon or fruit bowl, salad, or dessert.

Choose to cater

Catering does not have to cost a fortune. While you can order Maggianos and be a rock star for serving their rigatoni D, or Olive Garden (soup, salad, and breadsticks anyone?), there are much less expensive options as well.

• Did you know you can purchase Chipotle meat by itself? That’s easy to pair with fresh tomatoes, guacamole, rice, sour cream, cheese, and salsa.
• Costco will often have their fresh take and bake pizzas for $4.99. It’s not gourmet, but it’s good enough. Have your guest bring a salad.
• Costco also sells delicious rotisserie chickens for $4.99. Grab a bag of fresh rolls from their bakery and serve it with some corn on the cob and watermelon.
• Subway sells inexpensive 5′ subs. Often your grocery store deli will as well. Serve with some fresh fruit, a salad, and chips.

Serve only dessert

If a whole meal or a long get together sounds overwhelming, invite your guests over for dessert only.

• Strawberry shortcake – Buy a store bought angel food cake and serve with fresh strawberries and whipped cream.
• Rice Krispies – Who doesn’t love Rice Krispy treats? (I haven’t done an official survey, but if I did, I’d be willing to bet 93.2% of people like them gooey and soft – so don’t follow the recipe on the back of the box! It calls for too much rice cereal and then they are dry. Use this one instead. You’re welcome.)
• Ice cream sundaes – this is one of our favorite! – Have your guests bring one or two of their favorite ice cream toppings. Get creative with the toppings (crushed oreos, chocolate chips, fresh or frozen berries, peanut butter, hot fudge, caramel sauce). Once you buy the toppings for one occassion, it’s easy to pull out and use again and again.
• Apple crisp
• Chocolate chip cookies
• Sheet cake
• Costco pumpkin pie (this is beginning to sound like an advertisement for Costco.)

So there you have it! Five tips to simplify inviting rather than waiting to be invited. I’d love to hear how you have simplified hosting company. What do you serve? What tips have worked for you? Leave me a comment below.

*P.S. – my friend Mel (I mentioned her blog above) is selling an eCookbook with 100% of the proceeds going to a super cool organization called Mentors International. Mentors International provides microloans (~$100) for women in developing countries to start their own business. I love that she is supporting this cause and encourage you to take a look at her eCookbook. Trust me, it’s worth buying just for the Tomato Soup recipe that is one of Aaron’s Grandma Blackham’s famous recipes. Quick, easy, and THE BEST tomato soup you will ever eat. Promise.