The other night my husband and I were out to dinner when I became aware of a young, handsome couple sitting nearby. We were waiting for our food when I began to pick up on the tension from their table. The wife kept trying to start a conversation with her husband, but he kept looking at his phone.
As the evening progressed, I watched the wife demonstrate several common signs that she wasn’t getting enough attention. Unfortunately, this young husband did not recognize those signs as bids for connection and their night out ended badly.
Have you noticed any of these same signs that your wife isn’t getting enough attention?
She is sad and lonely.
If your wife is sad and lonely, it is probably in part because she needs more of YOU! Your attention really matters to your wife. It helps her feel loved and validated. That’s how important you are to her. It is not needy, it’s normal! Feeling isolated and disconnected is sad.
She is directly asking for more of your attention.
Sometimes you wife may ask directly for more of your attention, but you may miss it. When you hear your wife asking to go out on a date, watch a movie together, or sit and talk, she is asking to connect with you. If your wife is asking questions about your day or trying to share details about her day, she is looking to connect.
She is critical and blaming.
Have you experienced your wife becoming angry and critical of you? Perhaps her non-verbals communicate that she is dissatisfied with the way you are doing things. I know it doesn’t seem logical, but that is a pretty normal response to her needing your presence and responsiveness. (It’s not a very helpful response because, for a lot of husbands, it pushes them away rather than invites them to be close. But it is normal.)
(NOTE: Want a research proven process to help decrease conflict and create a deeply fulfilling connection? Learn more now.)
You can tell she is angry, but she tells you nothing is wrong.
Sometimes this response is a conscious choice–trying to communicate that she is upset and needs something from you, but other times, she may not know why it is so difficult to share her feelings with you. If you can tell your wife is upset, but she tells you nothing is wrong, ask if it would help if you spent the evening together.
She makes snide comments about how you are spending your time.
“Are you really getting on the computer again?” “Don’t you think it’s time to put the phone down for the night?” “Could you turn off the TV and join us for dinner?” Underneath the criticism in those comments is a cry for your attention. What she is feeling underneath the criticism is a longing to be close and connected to you.
Make an effort the next couple of weeks to tune into what is happening for your wife and how she may be asking for your love and attention.
