In a recent interview with NY Parenting, I talk about the changes in your role as a parent that occur when a child leaves home. This is a time that parents and kids are both unsure of how to navigate their relationship and roles.
“Often the move to college marks the most distinctive change for a child becoming an adult. There is usually a natural pulling away that happens in the teen years to prepare for this move into adulthood, but it still comes as a real shift,” says Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist Kim Blackham, and owner and director of Summit View Family Therapy in Winston-Salem, N.C.
Allow your child to navigate the world solo without too much interference. Blackham points out, “Kids going away to college need to know their parents have confidence in their ability to make it on their own.”
She advises parents to provide counsel, but to be careful about offering an abundance of unsolicited advice.
“Sometimes unsolicited advice communicates a lack of confidence in their ability to solve their own problems.”
Be aware that your child is used to setting his own rules while living away from home.
“It’s key to recognize that when your child returns home during breaks, they are returning as an adult, not as a child.”
Blackham says that college-age children should respect being back in their parents’ home, but parents need to be cognizant of the natural shift in the relationship.
I’ve found that explaining expectations works best. For instance, if I ask my son to text me when he gets back to the dorm after a visit home, I might couple this with, “Humor me. If I know you are back safely, I can continue with my day.” {Read More}
