It’s that time of year. Everyone is making resolutions, thinking carefully about how they want the next 365 days to be different from years past. As I have thought about my own resolutions this year, I have found myself approaching them much differently than I have before.
In his bestselling book Good to Great, Jim Collins tells of an advisor asking him to imagine receiving two phone calls:
The first phone call tells him he has won $20 million–no strings attached.
The second phone call tells him he only has 10 years to live.
The advisor then asks what he would do differently if each of those phone calls actually came.
Collins explains that since that day, he has made a “stop-doing list” rather than a “to-do” list. It’s so easy for the things that matter most to be squashed by the things that are merely urgent. Instead of reading to my kids or running around outside after school, I’m answering emails or trying to get dinner ready. We live under the myth that we can have it all–the successful career, immaculate house, amazing relationships with our spouse and kids, serving on the PTA, running marathons, finishing PhDs, and lobbying for better legislation–all while maintaining our own personal sense of balance and happiness.
But finding balance is not figuring out how to get your responsibilities strategically organized so that you can add more! Finding balance often means cutting back or cutting out. Choosing to spend your time on one goal automatically means you are choosing to not spend that time on something else. Sometimes the best choice outweighs another good choice.
So this year, I’ve decided that my focus is not going to be on accomplishing more. This year, my focus is on doing what it takes to live according to my priorities. That may mean doing less.
This year, I am choosing to make my own “stop-doing list.”
Care to join me? Here are four tips that will help you know what to put on your list:
1. Define your top priorities.
I’m not talking general categories. You can’t put “My top priority is my family.” I’m talking specifics:
“Having a relationship with my teenagers that allows them to feel comfortable talking to me about anything.”
Or:
“Feeling close and connected enough with my partner that I can ask for comfort and reassurance when I need it.”
2. Ask yourself the phone call question.
Ask yourself the question I shared above:
What would you change in your life if you received two phone calls–one telling you that you had won $20 million no strings attached, and the other letting you know that you only have 10 years to live?
3. Determine what stands in your way.
“I am so busy with my involvement with non-profit organizations that I am often unavailable when my teenager is around. How could he talk to me about anything when I’m not even there?”
Or:
“When my spouse is home, I am often angry and critical. We can’t feel close and connected when I act like that.”
4. Write a detailed “stop-doing list.”
“I will not work on outside interests in the evenings when my kids are around. Instead, I will spend time with them.”
Or:
“I will not criticize my spouse for leaving toothpaste on the sink and socks on the floor. I will also not complain about her to the kids. That only fuels my anger and makes me more critical when she is around.”
Choosing to accomplish certain goals is not sufficient. If I choose to train for a marathon, I had better know what I am not going to do during all those hours of running each week, or I’ll never be successful. If I choose to spend more time with my kids, I had better know what I am not going to do in order to find the time to make it happen.
As you outline your priorities, determine what keeps you from accomplishing the things that really matter to you. Create a detailed “stop-doing list,” and you will find yourself accomplishing more meaningful and lasting goals this year than ever before.
