In our quest for happiness and fulfillment in relationships, it’s common to assume that happy couples never face struggles or challenges. However, the reality is quite different. Healthy relationships are not immune to difficulties; they simply approach them with resilience and a commitment to growth. In every relationship, disagreements and conflicts are inevitable. Even the best of couples make mistakes along the way. The difference between what John Gottman calls the “masters” and “disasters,” is the “masters” are committed to repairing and reconnecting after the occasional argument, miscommunication, or hurt feeling. By having a clearer understanding of what healthy marriages look like, you can recognize that things don’t have to be perfect in your relationship for it to be strong.
Healthy Couples Sometimes Argue and Fight
Arguments and conflicts are a natural part of healthy relationships. If a couple never experiences any disagreements or conflicts, it may be because of a fear of conflict or not having a voice in the relationship. This may suggest a lack of open communication or a power imbalance in the relationship. Withholding your true opinions can ultimately lead to resentment.
Healthy couples recognize that disagreements can arise due to differences in perspectives, needs, or expectations. Instead of avoiding conflicts, they approach them constructively, listening to each other’s points of view and seeking to understand, not just to be understood. By listening and respecting each other’s opinions, they find solutions that honor both individual’s needs.
Healthy Couples are Sometimes Clumsy in the Way They Say Things
As mentioned, effective communication is crucial for healthy relationships, but sometimes we stumble in expressing ourselves. This is especially true when expressing vulnerable emotions. Healthy couples acknowledge that miscommunications and unintended hurtful remarks can occur. They understand that words can be misunderstood or misinterpreted, and they strive to give each other the benefit of the doubt. Rather than dwelling on the clumsiness of their words, they focus on clarifying their intentions and offering apologies when necessary.
Healthy Couples Sometimes Hurt Each Other’s Feelings
In the midst of disagreements, healthy couples acknowledge that emotions can run hot, and hurtful things can be said. This is more than being clumsy as they try to express their emotions. This is more reactive responses that have unintended hurtful consequences. Healthy couples take responsibility for their actions and acknowledge how their words and behavior impacts their spouse. When necessary, healthy couples offer heartfelt apologies and learn from their mistakes.
Healthy Couples Let Do Overs Count
In moments of misunderstanding or miscommunication, healthy couples embrace the opportunity for “do overs.” They recognize that mistakes happen and value the chance to correct them. By acknowledging their missteps and actively seeking to make amends, they create a safe space for vulnerability and growth. This willingness to give and receive second chances builds trust and decreases the tendency for blame and defensiveness.
Healthy Couples Know How to Repair and Reconnect
Repairing and reconnecting after conflicts is a vital skill in healthy relationships. Couples understand that unresolved issues can linger and create distance between them. They prioritize addressing the emotional wounds and finding ways to heal together. Through sincere apologies, active listening, physical touch, and acts of kindness, they rebuild trust and deepen their emotional connection.
Healthy Couples Strive for Improvement, Not Perfection
Healthy couples understand that their relationship is a continuous journey of growth and improvement, rather than a pursuit of perfection. They recognize that both individuals have their strengths and weaknesses, and they commit to supporting each other’s personal development. They communicate their desire to improve and do better and then work together to create a nurturing and safe connection.
Maintaining a healthy relationship involves accepting that imperfections, conflicts, and hurt feelings are a normal part of the journey. By recognizing the importance of effective communication, repairing and reconnecting after conflicts, and embracing personal growth, couples can foster a thriving and resilient connection. Remember, it’s not about striving for perfection but rather building a foundation of love, understanding, and continuous improvement.
