It’s funny for me to tell our children about the days when there was no email, internet, or cell phones. I certainly don’t feel very old—I’m not very old!—but those days feel like a lifetime ago.
Smiling young woman text messaging on smart phone while embracing man against white background. Horizontal shot.
Technology has changed almost everything about our lives. It allows us to stay connected with anyone at almost any time. But it has also created an enormous distraction from the things that matter most.
So how do you use technology to build connection, rather than damage it? In my experience, these three suggestions have been very helpful:
1. Set rules about technology use in your home.
As a family, decide what your media policy will be. Are cell phones allowed at the table? What movies are okay for your family to watch? What websites are you okay for children to visit? Is there a time limit in front of the screen? Talk about the dangers of pornography with your children, and set a curfew for when they need to turn their devices in to you for the night. The key to successfully using technology to strengthen and build your family is to do it intentionally. That means deciding on a policy ahead of time, and involving your children in the decision-making.
2. Be wary of notifications.
There is something Pavlovian about the ding of a smartphone. We respond to it instinctively. We turn away from whatever we are doing because that ding tells us there is something or someone who wants our immediate attention. It is okay (even advised!) to turn off the notifications for incoming emails and messages! You’ll find it much easier to stay connected in person without the siren call of your device always chiming away in the background.
3. Remember that there is no substitute for face-to-face personal contact.
While the suggestions I shared can help you stay connected when you have to be apart, they will never replace the need to build strong relationships in person. When you are home, put down your devices and spend time with your family. Laugh together. Have fun. Go for a walk. Play a game. However you choose to go about it, find a way to be present and engaged with the people you love.
When used intentionally, technology can help you and your family stay connected. Just remember the principles Stephen Covey taught: don’t let the urgent and unimportant things get in the way of those things that matter most.
What have you done to keep technology from taking over your life and your relationships?
