Balancing My Marriage and a Scalpel | Medical Marriage Tip #1

Acknowledge Your Spouse’s Sacrifice

After a year or two of medical school, I recognized my wife’s life would have been much easier had I chosen a different career.  Our college friends had graduated and within a few years had solid jobs, new cars, fancy homes and a 40 hour work week.  The years of poverty, the unpredictable schedule, the long hours and stress of it all affected my spouse as much as, and often more than, it affected me.  At least I was fulfilling my dream to become a physician.  I was able to experience the joys of healing, the satisfaction of a life saved and the approval of my mentors and colleagues.  Like adrenaline, those things kept me going, making the difficulties of being a physician-in-training worth it.  However, Kim didn’t experience any of that.  Instead, the result of my career choice meant the burdens of maintaining our home, raising our kids and making ends meet fell almost completely on her.  I tried never to make light of the challenges my training made for her.  I never compared the sacrifices I was making (lack of sleep, lack of hobbies, lack of leisure time) to the sacrifices she was making.  And somehow through my words and actions, she knew I appreciated her.

The evening I graduated medical school, I presented a diploma to my wife – an “honorary doctorate degree” – acknowledging that I didn’t graduate medical school alone, rather WE graduated medical school.  I could not have done it without her and she could not have done it without me.  The same was true for residency and now fellowship.  To this day, her honorary diploma hangs proudly on the wall in our home next to mine.  {Medical Marriage Tip #2}

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