I hope you had a wonderful Valentines weekend. I missed my usual Friday post because I was leading a two-day marriage conference this weekend. What a remarkable experience we had!
We tune up everything in our lives. We fertilize the lawn each spring, take the car for routine maintenance and oil changes, and get our hair cut on a regular schedule. We get yearly physicals, clean our teeth every six months, and have regular parent-teacher conferences to make sure our kids are on track. Yet most people don’t ever take the time to tune up their marriage.
Somehow we assume that our most important relationship should just work itself out–without any additional effort on our part or help from someone else. That idea is completely false. John Gottman, a marriage researcher out of the University of Washington said, “One of the saddest reasons a marriage dies is that neither person recognizes its value before it’s too late.”
The sad truth is that most people are not intentional about their relationships. But intentional marriages are the ones that succeed.
I have found there are at least six reasons why couples hesitate making the effort to attend marriage conferences. I’m going to let you hear from the participants themselves as they explain why they were glad they overcame their own hesitations and attended the conference.
1. Our marriage is mostly good.
One man described that it was like he had been walking around in a fog, but he didn’t realize it was foggy. He thought things were mostly good in their marriage. Occasionally they would bump up against a tree, but they were making it through okay. But now, it is like the fog has lifted and for the first time, it’s sunny. Now he has clarity and tools to bring greater happiness and connection.
- One woman explained, “I came into the workshop believing that we had an amazing relationship and I learned about the deeper places in ourselves and each other that will undoubtedly help us navigate some of the challenging times.”
- Another woman said, “Even if you are in a happy/healthy relationship, this workshop opened my eyes and brought us to a more honest, deeper, level.”
- A participant shared this perspective: “This retreat will improve communication. It will help you and your partner identify where you get stuck in your relationship and build a foundation for a future relationship that can overcome barriers.”
- Another woman offered that it was “insightful information that led to deep discussions with [her] spouse.” She said, “When was the last time we spent 16 hours learning about and working to improve the most important relationship in our life? Totally worth it!”
- Another participant explained, “This workshop has been the most transformative experience of my life! All of it was helpful. The presentation, analogies, stories, exercises, individual help, sharing by participants–all of it!”
2. Can’t we just read a book?
- One gentleman said, “I had read Hold Me Tight twice and as a couple we tried to read it together and do the exercises. But either that triggered our vortex or we never made time to complete the exercises. The couples’ workshop, because of its format and instructors, allowed us to safely engage in the A. R. E. principles and start moving forward. I have a better understanding of how I can positively impact my spouse and in doing so, build a strong bond. I have hope now for a big change that I did not think could happen.”
- One woman offered, “This is the “Live” Version of the book with counselors to work the material with you. It is very helpful to be in the group where you see others work through the same challenges.”
3. The group setting makes us nervous.
- A young wife explained, “We were very hesitant coming this weekend. We didn’t want to ‘air our dirty laundry’ and let others know we may have points where we struggle. Ryan and Kim took the individual time to help us get to a safe place in our relationship where we felt comfortable working through those struggles together. It was amazing!”
- Another woman also worried about privacy and the group setting, but she felt “There was perfect privacy for discussions with my husband, yet great validation in hearing comments shared by other couples afterward.”
4. Are we really going to learn enough to make it worth the time and money?
- A young husband explained, “The workshop helped expose many aspects of my personality that was affecting our relationship. The facilitators recognized these obstacles and deftly brought them to the surface to be addressed. I am so grateful and at peace.”
- Another participant said, “The workshop really helped to identify key elements and factors in our relationship that we knew we were struggling with and brought to light much more that we didn’t realize was happening. It was a beautiful experience to gain understanding and receive more knowledge on how to improve our marriage.”
- One woman shared, “This workshop is fantastic for any couple that wants to strengthen their marriage no matter the current state of your relationship. It has given me clarity and understanding with more love and a deeper connection with my spouse so we can work together as a team. It gave us tools to use to keep that connection so we don’t get stuck in a rut.”
- One husband offered, “This workshop was worth the money–the smartest investment we could have made for our relationship and future together.”
5. We’ve been married for so long now, I don’t think a marriage workshop will make much of a difference.
- One participant said, “No matter how long you have been married, this workshop would not only help but also improve your marriage. This workshop got to the heart of our emotional struggles and helped us unravel them on a deeper more connected level.”
- One woman offered, “This helped tune up and solidify our 28-year marriage.”
- A male participant explained, “This workshop helped me to understand the cycle of arguments and created a deeper bond between us. I now understand our fears and triggers.”
- Another woman shared, “Anyone from 25 to 85 can benefit from this program. It gives you a new outlook on the possibilities for your marriage.”
6. My husband will think it’s dumb.
- A young husband offered, “If you want to understand your partner and deeply connect with them and yourself, attend this workshop! It uncovers so many things we didn’t understand about our relationship. I could not have had a better experience.”
- Another husband said, “The workshop is a great way to deepen and strengthen your relationship. If you have recurring disagreements or are stuck in certain areas, it provides a terrific framework for understanding and talking about those.”
- And from another male participant, “This workshop is an essential guide to taking your relationship to a much deeper level. This will help you see things in yourself and your partner that you were never aware of and will enhance your life tremendously.”
- And from a fourth husband, “The closeness that I feel with my wife has reached a new level and we have new tools to be able to make it and to be closer. We have new methods to be able to deal with disagreements so that it doesn’t damage our relationship. Exceptional help. Took our marriage to a greater level.”
If you haven’t attended a marriage conference in the past, I encourage you to make that a priority this year! In fact, I encourage you to make it a priority every three to five years–just to get you realigned and keep your relationship from rusting.
You can even REGISTER NOW for the next Marriage Workshop!
Have you attended a marriage conference in the past? What did you find most helpful?
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