Those first few minutes, days, and weeks after discovering your partner’s affair can be some of the darkest moments of your life. The anger, sadness, betrayal, and fear can be overwhelming and unbearably isolating. The foundation of your marriage has crumbled, and you have no idea what to do next. It’s normal to wonder if forgiving your spouse and trusting again after an affair is possible. How do you move on? Where do you begin when it feels like everything around you is falling apart?
We often associate infidelity with divorce, but while the healing journey may not be easy, rebuilding trust, repairing the relationship, and moving forward as a couple is possible. I have helped hundreds of couples in this situation find a way to trust, forgive, and rebuild what feels forever ruined.
In this article, we will explore the process of healing a marriage after an affair and offer insights and strategies for couples facing this challenge.
Understanding the Impact of Infidelity
One of the most difficult aspects of coping with infidelity is the sense of loss that often accompanies it. Whether the affair was emotional or physical, the trust and intimacy that once existed in the relationship may be shattered, leaving the betrayed partner feeling alone, confused, and grieving.
The betrayed partner may also lose a sense of identity, as their view of self was often tied to their relationship and the belief that their partner was committed to them. As they seek to reclaim their own dignity, the betrayed partner is often lost and confused about how to move forward. “What does this say about me that my partner had an affair?” “What does it say about me if I am willing to work on my marriage after an affair and forgive?” “What does it say about me if I want a divorce?”
The betrayed partner may also feel like they have lost their long-term plans and dreams, as their partner’s actions have shattered their shared vision for the future. The sense of loss can be incredibly intense if the affair leads to the marriage/relationship ending.
The Road to Recovery
The process of recovery is significantly impacted by how the affair was disclosed. Did the betrayed partner find out and “catch” the cheating partner? Was it a trickled disclosure where the information came out in small pieces over time? Or did the cheating partner come forward with all the information and confess the affair at once? Has the affair fully ended? Is there any contact with the affair partner?
Before you can consider any healing, the affair has to end. You cannot create safety and connection in your relationship if there is a safety net somewhere else.
You do not need to know what long-term outcome you want before starting therapy. Many couples begin with discernment counseling to determine if there is space and emotional bandwidth to try healing through couples counseling. If you decide to stay together and work towards healing, find a professional therapist who specializes in helping couples heal from infidelity. If both partners are committed to the process, trust, connection, and healing are absolutely possible.
Conclusion
If you are have recently found out about a partner’s affair and are trying to figure out what to do next, please set up an appointment for a 15 minute consultation. It is important to get accurate information about how to move forward and what is possible.
Related Article: How Do You Forgive and Learn to Trust Again?
