The process of pregnancy, labor, and delivery of a baby is a momentous event for couples. Women replay those hours leading up to the births of their babies the rest of their life. They are memories filled with love, tenderness, and excitement, often coupled with anxiety, pain, and fear. The effort that you make for your wife during her labors will have a tremendous impact on your relationship. My dear friend, Cortney Long, is a midwife and doula in Virginia and North Carolina. I have invited her to share some suggestions of what husbands can do to make labor and delivery a relationship strengthening experience.
The birth of a baby is life-changing. It doesn’t matter whether it’s your first child, or your tenth. While women often spend hours on end reading books, searching websites and talking with their health care providers, often their spouses aren’t as involved in the process of preparing for the birth. This can leave dad overwhelmed when the time comes to welcome their child and makes it a challenge to be able to adequately support his wife. Whether birthing at home, a birth center or in the hospital, these are some suggestions for how to better support your wife during labor.
Know Your Stuff
It is hard to provide support and a calm, steady presence if birth is also like an unknown amusement park ride with surprises around every corner. Attending birthing classes with your wife is an excellent way to better familiarize yourself with the stages of labor and what is normal in each one. Birthing classes are now available online, in one-on-one settings and also with a group, making them easily accessible to all schedules. Some of my couples read a short chapter out of pregnancy and birth books together every night. Your OB or midwife will also be able to provide information regarding options and procedures during the pregnancy.
Know what She Wants
Communication is key here. Discussing her goals (and yours!) before the time actually comes is important. I suggest all of the families I work with create a birth plan during pregnancy. I don’t always think it’s necessary to even share these plans with everyone involved, but the act of writing the plan and thinking about what you want as a couple is important. Bonus: When labor begins you have a ‘cheat sheet’ for your goals. If the nurse, midwife or OB asks about a specific procedure you can look back and remind yourself of what you guys decided best helped you with your goals.
Be Her Advocate
No one loves her like you do. Take care of her. If she needs something during labor, help her get it. Even the small gestures of running and grabbing her a popsicle, making sure that she gets the warm blankets she asked for and helping to clarify information from health care providers when it is presented to her, help a mom in labor to know that she is your priority.
Use Your Words
Tell her she is doing a great job, tell her she is beautiful, tell her you are proud of her. Expressing your gratitude and love for her is immeasurable in its value. I often suggest that husbands jot down words of affirmation before labor. Sometimes in the moment it’s hard to come up with things to say- then you have a quick reference sheet of encouraging words to share with your wife. Scripture, quotations and a simple ‘I love you’ are appropriate.
Take Care of Yourself Too
When packing your bags for the big day, make sure to stash snacks, extra clothes and toiletries for YOU! You need this fuel to be able to refresh and keep going. It’s ok to close your eyes for a little rest once you make sure someone is available to your wife.
Enjoy!
Enjoy this time with your wife. She will be working harder than you have ever seen her work and her true strength will shine. If you slow down and appreciate her at this challenging time, you will be amazed at the memories you will be able to make together.
Related Article: How Do I Know the Difference Between Baby Blues and Postpartum Depression?
