Serve Your Community
There are so many opportunities to serve and community organizations need people as capable as you. The AMA Alliance is a wonderful organization that can help you connect with other medical spouses and find opportunities to serve in the community. It is an arm of the American Medical Association (AMA) and is specifically designed for spouses of physicians. If you are still in training, it is very inexpensive to join ($10/yr) and not much more after.
Find a cause that needs you. When we feel like we are needed and are contributing to something worthwhile, we are happier and more fulfilled. It also provides opportunities to connect with other people. Find a local church. One study suggests that religious involvement/church attendance by house-staff spouses was one factor that was positively correlated with greater marital adjustment.
Remember that you will still have a lot of time left when medical training is over
This one is hard for me to remember too sometimes. I often want to do everything I dream about doing right now!
I really appreciate what Amanda* shared on our Facebook Group. She said, “I’ll probably be in my late 30’s or early 40’s before I can start to pursue my career again. You know what gets me through? Realizing that hey– 40 is still SO young! You can still work and pursue your dreams for like, 20 or 25 years and STILL have an awesome retirement. That is almost as long as I’ve lived up to this point!”
One of my mentors began taking violin lessons when she was 45 years old. She plays beautifully in her local symphony and for weddings. That is such an inspiration to me. There is still time. I don’t particularly like waiting, but it is so helpful for me to remember it does not all have to happen right now.
I believe that medical marriages are made up of two highly capable spouses and that it is not necessary or even helpful for the non-physician spouse to “sacrifice” themselves completely to this profession. Twenty years ago, that was most definitely the “role” of the physician’s spouse, but I think this rising generation of doctors and spouses is changing that. There will certainly be sacrifices – some more painful than others, but it does not have to be all or nothing. It may just require a large dose of creativity to find what fits now.
Seek the support of your spouse
Even if your passion and desire is to stay home and raise kids, it is important to your relationship to have the support and encouragement of your spouse. Let him or her know that you need validation and encouragement for what matters to you. Together, talk about a plan of how you will continue the things that matter to you – even when the medical training is so demanding. You are both incredibly smart people. I am sure that together, you can come up with a plan that helps you find fulfillment and purpose right now – not just when it is over.
I’d love to hear how you have made things work so you were able to continue to pursue your dreams while your spouse was in training. Please leave a comment below.
*If I ever share names or information on this site, it is shared with permission or identifying information has changed to protect privacy.
If you are a physician or physician’s spouse, please join our Nurturing Medical Marriages™ Facebook Group. We’d love to have you!
