Let’s be honest, on a day-to-day basis, the idea of family dinner night can seem overwhelming. It can feel like an impossible feat to prepare a meal that everyone will eat – let alone appreciate. By the time all the kids are corralled and present at the table, somehow utensils turn into weapons and everyone begins fighting over the “favorite bowl.” It doesn’t take long before one sibling is shrieking, “He’s smelling my food!” while another child demands it is his night to say the prayer.
That’s when I give my husband the “Family dinner is highly overrated” look.
Isn’t it easier to separate each of the kids and feed them when they are hungry rather than when everyone is finally together? It can be exhausting to talk about how good the broccoli is night after night and encourage each child to stay in their seat. At our house, we had to strap one of our children into a five-point harness car seat every night at dinner for a year. The excitement of dad being home coupled with exhaustion from the day made it impossible for him to stay sitting in his chair.
Related: Family Traditions and Why They Matter.
No wonder my ideal date is a night out without the kids where someone else prepares and cleans up the meal.
So why does family dinner matter and is it really worth all of the effort?
In a 2012 study, researchers found that teens who frequently had dinner together as a family (5-7 times a week) reported having better relationships with their parents and were less likely to use addictive substances.
Do you remember the 80’s TV sitcom Cheers? I’ve always remembered their theme song –
“Sometimes you want to go where everybody knows your name,And they’re always glad you came;And you want to be where you can see,Our troubles are all the same,You want to be where everybody knows your name.”We all need that same sense of belonging, and if our children don’t get it at home, they will search for it somewhere else. Regular family dinners can provide that sense of cohesion and family solidarity. It is a time to reconnect with each individual as well as the family as a whole. This kind of time together allows siblings (amidst the bickering with each other) to hear what is going on in each other’s lives and offer support and encouragement. Consistent family dinners provide family members confidence they will always have a place to go at the end of the day – where they belong – where other people “get them.”
Family Dinners Made Easy
- Dinnertime is always easier when planned ahead of time. One woman I know makes dinner as soon as she cleans up breakfast. That way she is not overwhelmed with making dinner when the crazy after-school schedule sets in. Coming up with a meal schedule for the week or month is also helpful.
- Keep things simple. The main value in eating together is building relationships. It may be fun to occasionally do something more elaborate, but if you are stressed out, your kids will be stressed too.
- Use a game to encourage conversation. One of my college roommates had a sister who would monopolize the conversation, so they started a game called, “Interesting Things.” Each person would tell one “Interesting Thing” about their day. This allowed everyone a chance to talk and connect.
If you have a spouse or child who is frequently not home for dinner, check out this article on Family Dinner Time When One Parent Works Late.
Occasionally, hold special family dinners that everyone can look forward to.
My husband lived in Switzerland for a couple of years where, among other things, he learned how to make some fabulous cheese fondue. As poor medical students, we could only afford making fondue for special occasions. Now, every birthday, he makes a pot of his famous fondue, and we all sit around the table laughing and talking. Besides being delicious, one of the best things about fondue is the social nature of the meal – allowing lots of time for building relationships.
In honor of family dinner time, I shared Aaron’s oft-requested Authentic Cheese Fondue Recipe with my favorite food blogger, Mel at MelsKitchenCafe.com. She has posted his FONDUE RECIPE on her site today and just for fun – {and because we really like you guys} we are giving away TWO CLASSIC FONDUE POTS – one from each of us. GIVEAWAY CLOSED
Leave a comment below and let me know how you have made family dinner nights work in your home.
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Family dinner isn’t always easy because my husband often works later, but we try our best to make it work. We wait for him, unless it’s going to be much after 7. I often make quick 30-minute meals or crockpot so I’m not overlooking the food while we wait. But it’s worth it!
I guess our family wasn’t that busy plus I never minded cooking even though I had a full time job. We almost always had a cooked meal and almost always ate together. So for us, it was a treat to eat out of order pizza. But fondue was an extra special occasion. We tried both the cheese fondue and meat. Loved both.
I don’t force our three-year-old son to eat at the big table for an email of the day except for dinner when we sit down together. Breakfast and lunch happen at his small child sized table. I like to think that this sets dinner as a meal apart and that by starting this habit early we will be rewarded when his teenage years come around.
I have awesome memories of family dinners every night around a table when I was growing up. So many valuable lessons were learned listening to my parents’ days, connecting with each other, and learning about food. This is a great blog, and fondue is a fun & fantastic way to get everybody engaged and interested in dinner at the table (away from electronics, headphones off, etc). It’s sad how many households these days don’t even have a dining room table. Thank you for a wonderful blog and awesome give away. 🙂
I loved your suggestion in one of your classes on how to incorporate spouses who work late by having the kids eat dessert or a small snack/treat while the late-working parent eats dinner once they get home. Still a few moments of togetherness talking about the day. May not be ideal for everyone, but seemed like a great idea to me!
Hi Samantha! That is certainly a tip we use frequently in our house with Aaron often working late 🙂
We’ve always ate together. It keeps communication open, esp now that they are teens.
Since my husband and I bought our home seven years ago we started cooking meals like adults and eating at the table together. We discuss how our days were. Now we have a 2.5 year old and a one month old and continue to do it each night. It is important to us especially more now because its family time with our children.
We have the late night bedtime snack together before bed because my husband doesn’t always get home early enough for dinner. But if he will be home for a later dinner, we try to wait for him.
We always strive to eat together in the evenings and are mostly successful at that. Whether it be a quick meal of cereal for dinner, or something very well prepared. Ha. Our favorite dinner traditions revolve around the conversation. We always do our individual thumbs up and thumbs down for the day. I love the conversations that starts. We also do a fist to five rating of the meal itself. 🙂
Great idea, Tina. The conversation really is the point, isn’t it? Not what is served.
We sit down together every week night together and talk about our day. Some nights it’s a fast meal and some we have more time and can talk more but we always do our best as a family of 5 to stop out day together and eat.
We always eat together super early. People think we are crazy to eat at 5 pm but its early enough that we can eat together as a family before running to the different soccer games, scouts and different activities. We also have big breakfasts every morning although it’s usually just mom and the kids since Dad is off to work early most days. 😉
We always ate together as a family and now that my son is older, and away at university, he’s continued with the tradition. He and his wife cook together from scratch each night and sit at the table, nothing with a screen is allowed near them. It’s such a lovely thing to see them sit, breathe and take a moment to be with each other.
Isn’t that the biggest payoff – seeing your kids carry on health, relationship building traditions in their own family. Way to set the example!
I don’t have any kids, but when I was younger, my parents always made a point to try and have dinner together. Sunday was often a good day to do so. Now that I’m older, my significant other and I try and do the same. Even if it’s one day a week, it’s still better than none at all.
We also will treat ourselves out to eat out at a restaurant at least once a month.
I love to cook and bake all kinds of different things, and my husband and I eat dinner together every night before life takes over. Although it’s just me and my husband right now, we would LOVE to start a family fondue night tradition!
We have 3 kids ages 5, 3, and 10 months, so mealtime is usually a round of bargaining from mom and dad to get our older kids (particularly our 3 yo) to eat or try a bite. Ultimately what was happening was we were becoming too focused on one child and effectively not really talking or interacting with each other or our other children. Being a recovered picky eater myself, I know that for me growing up it felt like we were always having meals I didn’t like. BUT as I got older and started learning to cook, I became more invested in the meals I was preparing and more interested in actually trying new things. So with our older two kids, I’ve been letting them each pick one meal a week that they choose and then they help me make the meal. I usually give them 3 options to choose from so its not a request for pancakes or spaghetti every time. Not only does it let them feel like they have a choice, but it also gives them ownership of the meal which usually translates into my picky eaters being excited to try/eat whatever THEY made. Its not a perfect cure all, but it really has helped us have meals where we can focus on everyone and not just the picky eater. And bonus, my kids are trying new things and (shocker) liking them! 😉
These are great suggestions. The more we can take the battle out of dinner time, the more valuable that time will be in building relationships. Glad you posted these.
We’ve found a regular schedule and involving everyone in meal planning makes a positive difference!!
We sometimes do family breakfast or lunch together on weekend days when we know one or more of our teenagers will not be at home that evening. It works for us!
I absolutely believe in flexibility! Every family has to find what works for them and be as creative as possible to find that family time. Breakfasts and lunches totally count! Great suggestion 🙂
We eat a little later than I’d like to…between 6:30 and 7. I like to wait for my husband to get home from work so we can all eat together. Sometimes when he’s going to be later I’ll eat with the kids. Another rule is that we don’t have the tv on at meal times. That makes it easier for the kids to interact with each other and for the parents to slip in some much needed lessons on good manners. 🙂
Having electronics on during dinner totally defeats some of the value doesn’t it. Great rule – especially with how easy it is to bring electronics to the table now. Thanks for sharing.
We eat together just about every night and have done so for years 1) to have family time together and soak up time with Daddy home and 2) because it is cheaper to feed a family of 8 with a home cooked meal. We try to involve everyone in one way or another with conversation, laughter, dinner prep, setting the table, clearing the table, dishes and sweeping.
Jamie, I’m glad to hear that with a family of 8 you are not doing all the work yourself!! 🙂 Family dinner time really is a great way to work together and have everyone invested in the family process. Thanks for sharing.
We really struggle to have dinner together most nights with scouts, football practice, church activities, and my husband occasionally working late. On the rare nights we’re all home at the same time I try to make a real dinner that everyone can appreciate, but man, sometimes it’s hard!
I think I was surprised how hard it would be with older children too. It’s great that you are committed to making it work as often as possible though. That time is so important for families!
I have three young kids and have a small in home daycare as well. Things are hectic during the day, but I am fortunate to be able to do some dinner prep during nap time. I also rely on crockpot meals, so when dinner time rolls around there is muh less stress! Dinner at the table is just the norm around here!
We try to sit down and eat together as many nights as possible considering everyone’s crazy schedules. On the nights when that’s just not possible, we have dessert together.
We had family dinners every night through my 4 kids at home years, sitting down together with whoever was home. One of my sons (when he was young), would comment every meal before leaving the table, “Thanks Mom for the deeeelicious supper!! ” It was always nice to hear.
What a sweet boy, Stacy! This made me smile.
We try and eat together as much as possible – but can be challenging – especially since one of my children is disabled and does not like a noisy dinner time! He’ll get up from the table if it’s too loud.
What a great post. Thank you 🙂 Family dinner is important at my house too. Since we have a toddler and a preschooler it gives us a lot of opportunity to model good behavior. It also gives us plenty of opportunity to show gratitude to each other and highlight many of the attributes we love about one another.
Hi Kim, I am so glad Mel led me to your website. You have some great ideas here! Our children are ages 13 and 7, and we have always made an effort to eat together as a family. When our daughter was younger, it was a challenge to hold a conversation with our son, who is older and was already in school. Every time we asked him about school, our daughter would constantly interrupt him, not understanding the dynamics of a conversation. To solve the problem, each member of the family got a laminated card. On one side of the card was a picture of a mouth, and on the other side, a picture of an ear. Each person took a turn with the mouth side of the card. While that person was talking, the other members of the family had the picture of the ear visible. It really taught my daughter to not only take her turn speaking, but also to be a good listener. Even though she is older, and we no longer use the cards, she still talks about how much she enjoyed using them.
Love this idea, Stephanie! We’ll be trying that at our house.
To be honest, I’m still trying to figure out the family dinner thing since we moved. We don’t have any kids to have around the table yet, but my husband works late quite often which means we eat very few family dinners together. I don’t like this and I worry about how this is going to work with kids, but we will cross that bridge when we get there, I guess.
Hi! This is really random, but did u and your husband do a study abroad to Jerusalem a few years ago? I think I went with you. Mel is one of my old roommates and I saw your link from there.
Hi Leslie! Yes, that is where Aaron and I met. Crazy small world. I hate that I don’t recognize your name though (maybe it’s a different last name?). I do much better with faces. Shoot me a facebook message so I can remember.
It’s just my husband and I with our two year old son. A couple times a week we do family dinner at the park to switch things up and make it laid back and fun for everyone, including the little one.
Love this suggestion, Brenna!
I love family dinners! With my own small family, with a sister or 2, or with my whole extendede fam! I often make a new recipe, so we’re all looking forward to trying it out. I usually engage everyone in helping with prep, so we can visit and enjoy our time together. I’ve taken Mel’s advice on feeding my 3 small children, I try to include fruit or yogurt or cottage cheese with the meal so I can ensure there will be something my small kids like, and I’m lenient with my nearly 2 and 3 year olds. Can’t wait to try the fondue!
The only way I’ve found to make family dinner work is to have a plan which matches what is happening that day. And be flexiable, cause life happens! I love having the time with my family and reconnect
With four kids including a gymnast, three soccer players, a dancer and a pianist we unfortunately don’t get to have more than three family dinners a week. When we can, we try to capitalize on the quality time. Roses and Thorns is a dinner time activity we try to do regularly. Roses are happy things that happened that week and thorns are sad or frustrating things. Everyone takes a turn and gets undivided attention. It’s kept our family emotionally connected when we sometimes can’t be physically together.
Family dinner is a challenge to make happen at times around here (self employed husband etc) but, so important! I have the greatest success when I pre-plan my dinners for the week- If I follow that plan and have dinner on and ready it really helps-
As the kids have gotten older and busier with extra-curricular activities, it is harder to have family dinners every night. Add to that the fact that one of the kids is a Type 1 diabetic and things are even more hectic. We have family dinner together every night that one of them doesn’t have an activity (very rare) and on nights that they have events, we try to have something that is very fast so we can all at least sit together for a few minutes. If the event is something that will allow them a few minutes of time, we will pack a meal and share together at their event. Weekends almost always allow for family meals, even though it might not always be a dinner – especially since the eldest is now working.
Try to have something cooking ahead of time. Weather it be a crockpot meal or easy prep on the nights that we are running to and from their activities.
We have a family tradition of fondue for Christmas Eve.
I am now at the stage where I am looking back at family meals, I can say we always tried to eat dinner together. Early on it was easy, kids were small and that’s just where dinner happened. As they grew it was the goal, as their activities got busier and we were pulled in multiple directions it was still always the goal. And like goals, sometimes you miss, you just keep trying.
When our daughter was growing up we made sure we had family dinners even if it meant others at our table also.
Having consistent family dinners is still pretty easy for us since our family is fairly young. The two most important things to make it work in our family is to have dinner around the table with whoever is there, even though it is not every person everynight and to always have a simple back up waiting if the magical dinner I was dreaming of doesn’t make it to the table!
Right now, we eat dinner very early to make sure we get it in before all the evening activities. We’ve made it a priority for years, and as our schedules change as the boys grow, I hope to be able to prioritize our meals so we can have that daily time together.
Ok I have to laugh after reading the comments. It’s a whole lot of “my kids are young, so it’s very hard” or “my kids are older, so it’s very hard”. I think the lesson here is that it’s not always easy, but worth it!
Kira, you are absolutely right!!
Our kids are young, still, and my husband’s schedule accommodates a set meal time so eating together isn’t so much a problem. Manners sure are, though :). We started a “manners bowl”, where each night someone picks one slip of paper with one “manner” on it that we all focus on. I’ve appreciated the comments that give me a heads up for when kids get older and schedules start to conflict.
I am so happy to find your site through Mel. Not only does that fondue recipe look scrumptious, I also found very helpful information on your blog regarding sibling teasing. Thanks!
This post came at such a good time for me. I’m excited to try the fondue recipe and get more ideas from melskitchencafe. We eat together every night, but I am in a serious slump in which I do not enjoy cooking for the family. I think that if I find some great new recipes from Mel, I’ll be more excited and our dinners will be more interesting.
Emma, I’m sure you will love Mel’s recipes! I’ve listed a few of our favorites below.
Classic Chili (we like it better with 64 oz. of tomato juice instead of 48 oz.) with Cornbread, Lasagna, Chipotle Chicken Tacos, Chicken Corn Chowder (in the running for my favorite soup), Grilled Honey Chicken Veggie Kebabs, Lemon Garlic Chicken (aka, my daughter’s favorite meal), Chicken Tikka Masala, and Sticky Coconut Chicken.
In terms of dessert, I would start with Decadent Chocolate Cheesecake (my husband’s birthday cake every year), Frosted Brownies, Rice Pudding, Caramel Apple Cheesecake Bars with Streusal Topping, Caramel Brownies, and Cookie Dough Topped Brownies. {Okay, so we really like chocolate around here :)}
At the risk of sounding obsessive, I’d better stop 🙂
Let me know what you end up loving!
I grew up with regular family dinners, so I knew that was a given in my home when we got married. Since my husband and I both work ( and he does school), it can be kind of crazy, but we believe it’s important so we make it work. We’ve found that a menu makes it lots less hectic, so we try to keep one up. Also having some favorite, easy stand-by recipes for those extra busy nights is a must. And still some nights it’s a quick batch of waffles for dinner before bedtime, but the important thing is we’re sitting down as a family, right? 🙂 I like to think our daughter will come to cherish the time together and what we ate won’t matter in the end.
Family dinners have continued to get harder and harder with the addition of each child in the family (4 now) and more and more activities, but I’m a big believer in them. To make things easier planning is key for me. If I don’t plan, it doesn’t happen!
Family dinners with homemade food are by far the best! When our busy schedules sometime interrupt we miss them and are so excited when we are sitting down together again. My husband and I love visiting with the kids and hearing how their day went. My husband is so amazing he always tells me how wonderful dinner was and cleans up! Love us all being together with a good meal!
We have three little ones under 5 and my husband gets home at 4pm so it’s been pretty easy to have family dinner nights every night! But it will probably get harder as they get older. 🙂
Have always been a big believ in family dinners. I always looked forward to Sunday dinners with Grandparents and cousins, too. Since mid-August we have been empty-nesters and that has been a big adjustment. No eating dinner in front of the tv! Set the table and have time for conversation. Fondue night is going to be like a special date night for us this weekend!
Dinner is so important in our house. We have 5 kids and a busy dad. We try to have dinner at a consistent time, 6 pm (or so). It’s something I never thought about; we just do it! I didn’t realize how blessed we are to have a dad home by dinner every night! Thanks for the reminder!
We have cut out after school activities that cut into dinner. It was a sacrifice but worth it!
Our kids are still young, so we are able to have dinner once my husband gets home from work. Family dinner is very important to us. As the kids get older, I’m sure we will have to work harder at making it happen.
With both parents working and a little toddler that needs to eat early it can be a challenge. The reward is time with our daughter who is learning something new every day.
The older my kids get the harder it becomes! I find it tends to run smoother if I plan dinner ahead of time so it’s less stressful and I can be focused more on family.
Right now it is just my husband and I, but we decided when we got married that we would always make eating dinner together a top priority and a habit now so that when kids do come along, it is already in place. We love chatting about our days and going over plans for the next day. It is a great way for us to unwind and re-group (though it can be very rushed, or even grab on the go when we are running out the door somewhere). Fondue and sushi nights have become some of our favorites because of how they bring a more active level to our meals 🙂
We have four small children so getting everyone together is pretty easy. Getting the to eat on the other hand is a whole different story!