Everyday rituals and family traditions such as walking the dog together when you both get home from work, Saturday morning chores, and bedtime routines are all opportunities to build and strengthen family relationships. Time set aside for these daily family traditions and rituals provides a sense of continuity and predictability – without which, families often experience a sense of chaos. You are probably already doing a lot of these and not considering them as traditions and rituals. For example, allowing kids to help you bake, gathering together to bathe the dog, or game night every Sunday after dinner may seem inconsequential, but actually, have a strong impact on your family.
African American mother and mixed race daughter having fun fosting icing cup cakes
Family Work
Every Saturday morning, Inessa and her father would get up early and wash the cars together. Covered in soap bubbles and black tar residue, she knew this was a time she could talk to her somewhat quiet and even distant father. Even now as an adult when she goes home to visit, she always gets up early on Saturday mornings and dresses in her grungy tee-shirt and cut-off shorts, knowing she’ll have at least an hour to connect with dad in the driveway before anyone else wakes up.
happy young family of three cleaning home window glass together
If we can remember that the purpose of any task is to strengthen the relationship, it is easier to see family work as a connecting tradition. Stephen Covey talks about the day he finally got around to painting the front door. His young son wanted to help with the project. Dressed in his paint clothes and with a paint brush in hand, his young son stood ready to help. Covey remarks that this was the front door – not some obscure wall in the house that he could cover with a painting or piece of furniture. The front door was the first thing guests would see when they came to his home, and it mattered to him that it looked nice. Valuing the relationship with his son as he did, he was eager to not crush his little spirit, so he allowed him to help. Covey explains that he tried to go over his son’s brush strokes as fast as he put them on, but the paint was drying too fast. Those uneven brush strokes remained on his front door for years. Every time he noticed them, he was filled with gratitude that his relationship with his son mattered more to him than the task at hand.
Everyday Religious Traditions
Colin explains that growing up, his family of eight always held family prayer at 9 pm each night. Often one of his siblings would be working or out for the night and wouldn’t be home for prayer, but with so many children, it was impossible to wait for everyone to be present. Instead, his parents decided to set a specific time for family prayer and held it consistently at 9 pm time his whole life. While he admits to grumbling about it as a teenager, he is grateful for this family ritual. When he left home – regardless of where he was in the world, he would often look at his watch at 9 pm central standard time and know exactly what his family was doing. Frequently, he would excuse himself from the other people he was with and go into a room alone to say his own prayer at the same time. This everyday family tradition had a much more significant impact on him than he believes his parents ever intended. Now that all of his siblings are adults, they talk about how 9 pm is prayer time in each of their homes as well.
Comings and Goings
Carl and Mindy feel that the traditions centered around greeting and saying good-bye each day are a source of strength and connection in their relationship. Mindy explains that before Carl leaves for work early every morning, he gently wakes her up and kisses her good-bye. “I roll over and fall back to sleep every morning, but when I get up an hour later, I feel like I had a moment of connection with him. Since I won’t see him for the rest of the day, that’s important to me.”
“I always call her when I am on my way home from work too,” Carl tells me. “Usually we talk on the way home. If she is in the middle of something, she’ll get off the phone and finish up what she was working on so she won’t be distracted when I get there. She always greets me with a hug and a kiss when I walk in the door. Coming home to her is the best part of my day.”
What everyday rituals strengthen your family?
This is great Kim. Even more important when you move frequently with young kids. We’ve moved 8 times in 7 years and even though our surroundings and circumstances change, our family rituals don’t. x
Our family traditions/rituals have morphed over the years. We are approaching the “empty nest” season and it is great to hear our adult children reminisce about traditions that were meaningful when they were younger. One ritual I initiated about twenty years ago was to never go to sleep without saying a prayer over my wife. Sometimes it is as simple as “God Bless my wife.” Great article. Thank you for sharing.