Dr. Kim Blackham

Intensive Marriage Therapy

When Marriage Therapy is not a Good Idea

by Dr. Kim Blackham

When is marriage therapy not a good idea

Marriage therapy, like any form of therapy, may not be an appropriate option in certain situations. While it can be highly beneficial for many couples, there are some instances where it may not be the best course of action. This is specifically true for intensive couples therapy. Here are a few situations where marriage therapy may not be a good idea:

Safety Concerns

If there is a history of domestic violence, abuse, or any situation where there is a risk of harm to one or both partners, individual safety takes precedence. In such cases, ensuring immediate safety and seeking appropriate help, such as shelter, legal protection, or counseling specifically focused on trauma and abuse, should be the priority.

Lack of Commitment

If one or both partners are not committed to working on the relationship or have already made a firm decision to separate or divorce, marriage therapy may not be effective. Both partners need to be willing to actively participate and invest in the therapy process for it to be successful. If one partner is leaning into the relationship and the other partner is leaning out or unsure what he or she wants, discernment counseling would be a better option than marriage therapy. 

Active Addiction

In order for marriage therapy to be effective, a certain level of stability and sobriety is typically necessary. Addiction is a complex issue that often requires specialized treatment and support on an individual level. Active addictions can impair communication, trust, and emotional connection, making it difficult to engage in the couples therapy process. In cases where one or both partners are struggling with addiction, it is generally recommended that they seek individual therapy or treatment specifically tailored to address addiction-related issues before beginning relational therapy. 

Individual Issues Requiring Individual Therapy

Sometimes, individual issues such as severe mental health disorders, addictions (mentioned above), or personal crises may be better addressed through individual therapy before engaging in couples therapy. In these cases, it may be more effective to work on individual healing and personal growth before addressing relationship dynamics.

Ongoing Affair 

In marriage therapy, both partners ideally come with a shared commitment to work on the relationship and address the issues at hand. An ongoing affair is indicative that the unfaithful partner is not ready to fully commit to therapy or to repairing the relationship. Rebuilding trust is a crucial component of marriage therapy, but when the affair is still ongoing, it’s impossible to establish a foundation of trust necessary for productive therapy sessions. It’s also impossible for the unfaithful partner to begin to emotionally invest in the marriage again. You can’t create safety in your marriage if there is a safety net somewhere else. 

Marriage therapy after an affair has ended is often a crucial step to healing and rebuilding the relationship. It is imperative, however, that the affair be discontinued or the individuals be in the process of ending the affair before beginning marriage therapy.

If you have questions about marriage therapy being a good option for your situation, please read more about intensive based marriage therapy and reach out for a free consultation. We can discuss your individual needs and concerns and determine if it is the right fit. 

 



 

 

Is Therapy Confidential?

by Dr. Kim Blackham

Is Therapy Confidential

 

Confidentiality is a fundamental aspect of therapy and is crucial for the client to feel safe in therapy and trust the therapist with intimate details of their lives. When you engage in therapy, it is important to understand that the information you share is generally treated as confidential, and professional and ethical guidelines bind therapists to uphold this confidentiality. Here are some key points to consider:

Legal and Ethical Obligations

Therapists are legally and ethically obligated to maintain the confidentiality of their clients. They are bound by professional codes of ethics and, in many jurisdictions, by laws that protect client privacy.

Professional Standards

Therapists receive training on confidentiality both in their initial education to become a therapist and in their continuing education to maintain their license. They know the importance of safeguarding client information and are committed to providing a safe and confidential environment for clients to share their concerns.

Information Sharing

Therapists are typically not allowed to disclose any information about their clients without their consent, unless there are legal requirements or safety concerns. This means they cannot share information with religious leaders, educators, bosses, or anyone else without written authorization from the client.

Exceptions to Confidentiality

There are limited circumstances in which therapists may be legally and ethically required to break confidentiality. These include situations where there is a risk of harm to oneself or others, suspicion of child abuse or elder abuse, or a court order requiring the disclosure of information.

Informed Consent

At the beginning of therapy, therapists typically discuss confidentiality and the limits to it with their clients. This ensures that clients have a clear understanding of what is expected and can provide informed consent to engage in therapy.

Conclusion

Confidentiality is crucial for building trust between the client and therapist. When clients feel that their information is treated with utmost care and confidentiality, they are more likely to feel safe and comfortable opening up and sharing their concerns. That is the only way for therapy to be effective.

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The Power of Empathy: If We Could Look Into Each Other’s Hearts

by Dr. Kim Blackham

empathy

The following video clip beautifully illustrates the power of empathy, which is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another person. Empathy allows us to step into someone else’s shoes, truly listen to their experiences, and relate to their emotions. It goes beyond sympathy or pity; it is a genuine effort to connect and validate the human experience.

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Secure Connection Actually Rewires our Brain

by Dr. Kim Blackham

Within the last twenty years, the advances in neuroscience technology have made it possible for us to really understand how our brain and body react to certain situations.  With the use of fMRI (Functional Magnetic Resonance Imaging) machines, we can now see the brain activity in the very moment that something is happening.

This is really exciting in the field of relationships.  Love is no longer the mystery is has been for centuries.  We no longer have to wonder what creates secure, loving connection.  We now know.  We can see it on brain scans.  We know what it looks like, and we know how to create it.

Once secure, our relationships with other people affect not only our emotions, but also our physical health and responses.

In this cool video, you’ll see a quick explanation of how secure connection actually rewires the brain.

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The Secret Behind WestJet’s Christmas Miracle

by Dr. Kim Blackham

I’m sure many of you have already seen this WestJet video.  I would encourage you to take a few minutes a quickly watch it again.  The rest of this article will make more sense if it is fresh in your mind. 

There was some controversy towards WestJet after this video was posted.  While stated in many different forms, the general message was the same, “Couldn’t the money be better spent for the poor and needy rather than these travelers?”

I would suggest that the reason this video touched so many of us and spread virally across the globe had very little to do with the money that was spent. 

In fact, I would suggest that WestJet hit on a piece of humanity that many of us can feel, but not really make sense of in our head. 

Research has shown us that there are six universal primary emotions.  We know from extensive study that people across all cultures feel and experience these same six emotions. Continue Reading