Medical Marriages Archives

Balancing My Marriage and a Scalpel | Medical Marriage Tip #3

by Dr. Kim Blackham

Loyalty Begins with Words

With the strains of medical training on relationships, we naturally look for advocates – we want to find someone who will validate our side of the story. I experienced such a scenario dozens of times – a doctor speaking negatively about their spouse to co-workers or friends in an attempt to feel justified or be validated. And what often happened? Others join in, relating their own situations or complaints. Rather than smolder the tension between spouses, the fire is fueled. Continue Reading

Balancing My Marriage and a Scalpel | Medical Marriage Tip #4

by Dr. Kim Blackham

There is No Room for Criticism

Life as a resident is tough. Life as a resident spouse is uniquely but equally challenging. The inherent demands of residency leave little time or energy for anything else. Mistakes are made. Responsibilities are unfulfilled. Screw ups happen. Continue Reading

Balancing My Marriage and a Scalpel | Medical Marriage Tip #5

by Dr. Kim Blackham

Allow Your Spouse to Dream While You are Fulfilling Yours

Since the day she graduated from college, my wife wanted to get a Master’s degree in marriage and family therapy. That goal was set aside as we started a family and as I started medical school. She planned to enroll once my training was over and the kids were in school. Then, medical school turned into residency with talk of fellowship and pretty soon Kim’s dreams were to be postponed more than a decade! Continue Reading

Balancing My Marriage and a Scalpel | Medical Marriage Tip #6

by Dr. Kim Blackham

Minimize the Impact of Financial Stresses During Residency

While being a doctor may come with a comfortable salary, becoming a doctor comes with years of tight budgets, massive debt, and delayed gratification. Kim and I lived solely off student loans during medical school—during which we had two children. At least in residency we stopped accumulating debt, but working the equivalent of two full-time jobs for less than minimum wage and still living paycheck to paycheck for years has been extremely stressful. Continue Reading

Balancing My Marriage and a Scalpel | Medical Marriage Tip #7

by Dr. Kim Blackham

Keep the Romance Alive

I’m sure we received the same counsel you did on your wedding day: “Keep courting your spouse your entire marriage.” True, it is great advice, but the stress and time constraints of residency can easily push aside our commitment to courtship and romance. My wife and I found little ways to show each other our love, appreciation and commitment–love notes left on the kitchen counter; a thoughtful text in the middle of the day; candlelight spaghetti dinner after the kids went to bed. Continue Reading

Balancing My Marriage and a Scalpel | Medical Marriage Tip #8

by Dr. Kim Blackham

Contact Your Spouse BID and PRN

For me, the pace of residency often leaves little time to think of other things. I routinely forget the day of the week and struggle to remember my wife’s schedule. I often lose track of time until 5 or 6 in the evening. All the while, my wife is busy living her almost completely separate life. More often than not, come 5 or 6 pm she is left wondering if I will make it home for dinner or not. Continue Reading