Loyalty Begins with Words With the strains of medical training on relationships, we naturally look for advocates – we want to find someone who will validate our side of the story. I experienced such a scenario dozens of times – a doctor speaking negatively about their spouse to co-workers or friends in an attempt to…
There is No Room for Criticism Life as a resident is tough. Life as a resident spouse is uniquely but equally challenging. The inherent demands of residency leave little time or energy for anything else. Mistakes are made. Responsibilities are unfulfilled. Screw ups happen.
Allow Your Spouse to Dream While You are Fulfilling Yours Since the day she graduated from college, my wife wanted to get a Master’s degree in marriage and family therapy. That goal was set aside as we started a family and as I started medical school. She planned to enroll once my training was over and…
Minimize the Impact of Financial Stresses During Residency While being a doctor may come with a comfortable salary, becoming a doctor comes with years of tight budgets, massive debt, and delayed gratification. Kim and I lived solely off student loans during medical school—during which we had two children. At least in residency we stopped accumulating…
Keep the Romance Alive I’m sure we received the same counsel you did on your wedding day: “Keep courting your spouse your entire marriage.” True, it is great advice, but the stress and time constraints of residency can easily push aside our commitment to courtship and romance. My wife and I found little ways to show each…
Contact Your Spouse BID and PRN For me, the pace of residency often leaves little time to think of other things. I routinely forget the day of the week and struggle to remember my wife’s schedule. I often lose track of time until 5 or 6 in the evening. All the while, my wife is busy living…
Make Time Each Day to Connect Some of the hardest times during residency were when we went days or weeks without spending quality time together. There were times we only crossed paths a few times a week. Over the years, we learned how important it was to connect every day.
Do Not Allow Medicine to Become Your Jealous Mistress I love being a surgeon. I love being a surgeon. The awe of human anatomy. The adrenaline rush that comes with each incision. The satisfaction of dropping the tumor-inflicted organ in a bucket. Congratulating cancer survivors on cancer-free surveillance scans. I can’t imagine a more rewarding…
Today makes the five-year anniversary of this tragic experience in our family. Over the last five years, I have thought often about this woman and this letter I wrote at the time. I still feel deeply grateful. To the Wife of the Neurosurgeon at Primary Children’s Hospital, I have spent the last several days…
Question: My family (including two small children) and I are relocating this summer for my husband’s residency to a city where I know no one. I am scared about leaving our support network of friends and family nearby. Can you offer advice on starting over in a new place? Answer: I would guess that almost every physician…
Guest Post by Gayleen Gavitt When I read Kim’s blog about #itsgoodnow, it hit a cord with how I was feeling. My husband is in his 11th year of training (4 for medical school, 6 for residency, and now we are midway through a 2 year fellowship). Throughout training, I lost track of how many…
Even before beginning medical school, my husband and I were introduced to the “it gets better” perspective. An attending physician’s wife encouragingly told me medical training was worth it, but it was hard. “When it gets hard,” she told me, “just remember that it does get better.” Our first year of medical school I…