Medical Marriages Archives

Keeping Intimacy Alive – Q&A

by Dr. Kim Blackham

Question: I don’t know how to make [physical] intimacy a priority in our relationship. My husband is often gone, and when he is home, I’m either too tired or not interested because we haven’t been emotionally close for days. What can we do to keep the intimacy alive in our relationship?

Answer: I actually receive some form of this question several times a week! It is a very common concern from physician couples at all stages.

While there are many elements that feed into improving intimacy in a relationship, I want to address three strategies you can begin to implement right now that can strengthen your physical connection.Continue Reading

Simple Steps to Avoid Parallel Living

by Dr. Kim Blackham

Question: We are second year medical students. Our first year of medical school was rough and we have lots of layers to our situation. One of them is that we have two kids under 4-years-old and we live 2000 miles away from family.

My main question is how to manage a relationship (romantic/connected/sexual and being vulnerable) with my spouse while being a “single mother” 6 days a week–tough skinned, independent, and positive? I feel as though I’m living in two worlds.

Answer:

Thank you for this question. I’ll bet that most people in a medical relationship have struggled with the same thing. How do you remain strong and independent while at the same time staying open and vulnerable?Continue Reading

Making Job Decisions Together

by Dr. Kim Blackham

Finding a job–especially that first “real job” out of medical training–is stressful and exciting all at the same time. You’ve both sacrificed for so many years and are anxious to have the hard times come to an end. For many physician couples, the task of finding that golden goose “package deal” is filled with anxiety.

Smiling young couple lying on floor of new flat

It is also a time when many couples struggle to make the big decisions together and work as a team.

After all the years a non-medical spouse spends supporting his or her physician partner through training, it can be extremely hurtful to be left out of the decision-making process when it comes time to find a job. Continue Reading

The Inside Scoop About Online Therapy

by Dr. Kim Blackham

Every week I receive several emails asking if I provide online therapy.

There are many reasons why online therapy is a good idea.

Online therapy allows people who live in small communities to reach specialists who may not live near them.
Online therapy allows people the opportunity to work with therapists who specialize in a specific population or treatment model. For example, I am a certified emotionally focused therapist who specializes in working with physician couples. If you are a physician couple looking for an EFT therapist, chances are you are going to have a hard time finding someone with those credentials who lives near you.
Those who offer online therapy may be able to offer more flexible appointment times.

7 Strategies for Creating a Successful Holiday Season

by Dr. Kim Blackham

Holidays can be an especially hard time for couples, because each holiday inherently comes with its own expectations. One of the challenges everyone faces in their relationships is how to deal with the discrepancy between expectation and reality.

When you expect something to go one way (having a quiet holiday dinner at home with your family)and the reality turns out differently (you’re late getting home from work and miss the festivities, or your spouse’s pager goes off as just you’re passing the dinner rolls), it is easy to be disappointed. No wonder the holidays–meant as a time to return to peace and joy–are sometimes anything but peaceful and joyful!

Luckily, there are several things you and your partner can do to get on the same page before the festivities begin. These small and simple things will help you create a celebration you can both enjoy:

Breaking Free: Escaping the Pursue-Withdraw Cycle in Your Relationship

by Dr. Kim Blackham

One of the most prevalent fears in relationships is the fear of disconnection, where individuals are deeply afraid of not feeling valued, important, or capable of meeting expectations. This fear can significantly impact how we perceive ourselves and our relationships.

These overwhelming fears of disconnection and inadequacy are not limited to intense arguments alone.

These overwhelming fears of disconnection and inadequacy are not limited to intense arguments alone. These larger-than-life anxieties are often triggered in normal, day-to-day interactions your partner. It could be something as simple as the tone of your partner’s voice when you arrive home late or the blank stare you get when you are talking about something important and your partner doesn’t seem to be listening. These seemingly small instances can trigger those enormous fears.