Marriage Archives

Sacrifice in Marriage

by Dr. Kim Blackham

A few weeks ago I posted a comment to twitter that sparked an interesting conversation. I said, “ALL relationships take significant work. The couples that make it look effortless, have made sacrifices to get it to that point.”

Someone commented that perhaps it wasn’t sacrifice, but rather dedication.

I agreed. Dedication is essential, but not sufficient. The cello master, Yo-Yoma, has not just dedicated his life to music, he has also had to give up many things in order to excel. I explained (in 140 characters or less of course), that marriage is no different. Our love, commitment, and dedication is reflected in sacrifice. Continue Reading

Medical Marriage Q&A: Emotional Connection

by Dr. Kim Blackham

Question:

We have been married 16 years, have three kids, and have been in this medical life for 12 years. This is good advice for the business side of the marriage, but what about the more emotional side? I feel like we are business partners at best. After work, kids, finances, we have no time to actually share our thoughts and feelings (which are hard to pry out of him on a good day).Continue Reading

Work Life Balance

by Dr. Kim Blackham

In a recent interview with Mashable, I talk about many of the challenges that busy families and couples face. Finding work-life balance is necessary for both family harmony and job satisfaction. Demanding careers often lead to burnout if steps are not taken early on to avoid it.

Are You Too Busy for Your Marriage?

by Dr. Kim Blackham

It’s the end of the workday. You rush to finish a few emails, dash down to the car, pick up a child from soccer practice, and stop by the grocery store to get the missing dinner ingredient your spouse texted about. When you walk in the door, there is dinner to prepare, homework to help with, kids to play with, and a little yard or housework to attend to. You check your email on your phone, hurry dawdling kids into bed, and sit down to get a little more work done before you call your brother on the opposite coast. Then, maybe take a little time to read a few book chapters on your tablet. By ten or eleven, you’re turning out the light, mentally reviewing a checklist of things you must do tomorrow as you ready yourself to start it all again in the morning before the house wakes up.

The Ultimate List of the BEST Gifts for Doctors

by Dr. Kim Blackham

If you are married to, dating, friends with, or a parent of a doctor, it can be difficult to find gifts that they will not only appreciate, but also find useful. Like me, you have probably Googled “Best Gifts for Doctors” hoping to come up with some helpful ideas, but the only results display mugs, t-shirts, and bobble heads – none of which was what you were actually going for. I don’t know about you, but I always appreciate a good recommendation. It saves me time and helps me give something that will be enjoyed. I have put together a list of doctor gifts that have been well-loved in our home as well as with other physician friends and clients. None of the products are sponsored – meaning the companies did not approach me to promote them. Some of the items do have Amazon affiliate links. It’s the holidays and many companies are offering specials, so I always encourage you to shop around for the best deals.

Medical Marriages Q&A: Managing Schedules

by Dr. Kim Blackham

Question:

How do you get household basics (like budget decisions, kid issues, etc.) talked about and agreed upon when your spouse works 14 hours a day in residency and comes home exhausted? I want to be in unity in decision-making, but it’s tough to bombard him with things when I know he’s so exhausted. Tips?

Answer:

Thank you for submitting this question. It is one that most medical couples struggle with. When both of you are busy and exhausted, it can be hard to feel like you are in sync with decisions and agendas. Often, when you do finally have time to discuss these things, one or both of you may be too tired to actually make a decision, and you realize the next day that it still isn’t resolved. Try some of these suggestions this week and see if it makes your teamwork more effective.

Be Clear About What Support You Need

Sometimes a spouse may not realize whether you are asking for their input or if you are just giving them information. Be specific. “I need you to help me come up with a plan for Ella’s summer camps. I need to register tomorrow, so we need to make a decision together tonight.”