Dr. Kim Blackham

Intensive Marriage Therapy

Should I See a Therapist?

by Dr. Kim Blackham

A few years ago, my hip was causing me a lot of pain. I couldn’t identify having specifically done something to initiate the pain, and I couldn’t seem to fix it on my own. I tried stretching, ice, rest, Motrin, but nothing seemed to help.  I realized I had exhausted what I could try on my own. If I wanted to get rid of this pain, I was going to have to see a physical therapist.

I had never before seen a physical therapist. When I got there, he began moving my leg in many different directions and asking me to stretch this way and that.  It was all fine, maybe a little uncomfortable, but fine. Then he had me stretch it in a way I had never done before.

“Ouch!” I said.  “That hurts.”Continue Reading

What to do When You and Your Spouse Have Different Love Languages

by Dr. Kim Blackham

 

Question: I was wondering if you had any suggestions on how to help each other express affection in the others love language when his is my lowest score and mine is his lowest score. For example, my highest is words of affirmation and lowest is physical touch. His highest is physical touch and lowest is words of affirmation. We both try hard and put in effort for what doesn’t come naturally, and that counts for something for sure, but I feel like we are missing something… Any thoughts or tips you wouldn’t mind sharing? I’m sure we aren’t the only ones with this issue. Thanks!

In this quick video, I answer this question and offer some helpful tips for meeting your partner’s needs and staying connected – even when you and your partner have different love languages.

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6 Key Ways to Thrive When Your Spouse Works Nights

by Dr. Kim Blackham

It can be very difficult when a spouse is required to work nights. Something about nights adds to the loneliness and challenge of an already difficult situation.

It’s easier to keep yourself busy during the day. There are often other people around such as friends, colleagues, and family members, as well as more scheduled activities and things to do. But at night time, families have gathered back at home and are preparing for the next day.  It almost feels like an intrusion to reach out for connection and support at that time. Even if it’s just a late evening, when you’re out running kids around to soccer practice and piano lessons or at home managing homework and bedtime by yourself. How do you keep up your strength and not become resentful?Continue Reading

How to Talk to Kids About Pornography

by Dr. Kim Blackham

 

Cindy could not find her four year old son.  She looked all through the house and then the yard, but couldn’t find him anywhere.  Desperate, she ran out into the street and looked up and down the road.  There was her sweet son, sitting at the corner playing with his stick in the dirt.  Yanking him back to the house, she yelled, “Haven’t I told you not to go to the corner?”

The next day she found him there again.  This time she spanked him and sent him to his room saying, “I have told you not to go to the corner! You’ll spend the rest of the day in your room!”Continue Reading

Medical Marriage Q&A: Burnout and Contempt

by Dr. Kim Blackham

 

Question: I am in tears tonight as I type this. After 10 + years of marriage I am so discouraged. I have been with my husband since undergrad. I have been with him through everything in medical school, residency, and now our first year in a “real job.” 

He just continues to be more and more bitter all of the time and I don’t know why. I take care of 99% of all our house and family needs and I have never complained about his work hours. I feel like medicine has changed him through the years into a miserable person. He seems to hate life and everyone in it, including me. Please let me know if you have any advice. We also have a 2 and 6 year old.Continue Reading