Question: My mother is always wanting to help me. I know that sounds like a good thing, but it’s not. It’s suffocating, and I don’t know how to tell her to back off without hurting her feelings. Is it okay for me to not want her constant help and if so, how do I do it without devastating her?
Answer:
It is okay to set boundaries both when other’s actions are thoughtless as well as when they are meant to be kind. You may find it easier to say something to an intrusive neighbor whose dog is tearing up your flower beds, than it would if the same neighbor was planting unwanted flowers in your flower bed. In both situations, this neighbor is overstepping boundaries, and it is appropriate for you to say so.
Boundaries help us develop strong relationships. The strain you feel with your mom exists because you feel like you can’t speak up. Try explaining why her constant help is difficult for you and why you want to be more independent. Make sure she knows she is important to you and you want and appreciate her help on a more selective basis.
Learn more about How to Set Boundaries without Feeling Guilty About It and How to Say No.
