All bleeding stops…eventually. So the saying goes. Medical residency is tough–it’s physically, emotionally and intellectually exhausting. The demands of medical training consume our time and our energy. It’s the nature of the beast. Add in a marriage and maybe a few kids (we have four) and finding balance between medical training and family relationships can…
Acknowledge Your Spouse’s Sacrifice After a year or two of medical school, I recognized my wife’s life would have been much easier had I chosen a different career. Our college friends had graduated and within a few years had solid jobs, new cars, fancy homes and a 40 hour work week. The years of poverty,…
Work at Work, Be Home at Home During my internship, I realized that residency is insatiable—there is never and will never be enough time to satisfy its demands. There are always patients to see, labs to check, notes to write, pages to return, articles to read, conferences to attend, presentations to prepare and research to…
Loyalty Begins with Words With the strains of medical training on relationships, we naturally look for advocates – we want to find someone who will validate our side of the story. I experienced such a scenario dozens of times – a doctor speaking negatively about their spouse to co-workers or friends in an attempt to…
There is No Room for Criticism Life as a resident is tough. Life as a resident spouse is uniquely but equally challenging. The inherent demands of residency leave little time or energy for anything else. Mistakes are made. Responsibilities are unfulfilled. Screw ups happen.
Allow Your Spouse to Dream While You are Fulfilling Yours Since the day she graduated from college, my wife wanted to get a Master’s degree in marriage and family therapy. That goal was set aside as we started a family and as I started medical school. She planned to enroll once my training was over and…
Minimize the Impact of Financial Stresses During Residency While being a doctor may come with a comfortable salary, becoming a doctor comes with years of tight budgets, massive debt, and delayed gratification. Kim and I lived solely off student loans during medical school—during which we had two children. At least in residency we stopped accumulating…
Keep the Romance Alive I’m sure we received the same counsel you did on your wedding day: “Keep courting your spouse your entire marriage.” True, it is great advice, but the stress and time constraints of residency can easily push aside our commitment to courtship and romance. My wife and I found little ways to show each…
Contact Your Spouse BID and PRN For me, the pace of residency often leaves little time to think of other things. I routinely forget the day of the week and struggle to remember my wife’s schedule. I often lose track of time until 5 or 6 in the evening. All the while, my wife is busy living…
Make Time Each Day to Connect Some of the hardest times during residency were when we went days or weeks without spending quality time together. There were times we only crossed paths a few times a week. Over the years, we learned how important it was to connect every day.
Do Not Allow Medicine to Become Your Jealous Mistress I love being a surgeon. I love being a surgeon. The awe of human anatomy. The adrenaline rush that comes with each incision. The satisfaction of dropping the tumor-inflicted organ in a bucket. Congratulating cancer survivors on cancer-free surveillance scans. I can’t imagine a more rewarding…