It’s July…Happy New Year! I know, most people celebrate New Years in January, but for some of us, July 1st is the start of the “new year.” See, I’m married to a doctor and my husband has been in training for the past 11 years…with two more to go. Four years of medical school, five years of general surgery…
Believe that medical marriages work – even if the chosen path is surgery. Surviving residency with your marriage intact is possible! I wish someone had told me that. Okay, people did tell me that, but only people who didn’t really know. “Oh, it will be fine. Just think about how great it will be when he is…
Medical marriages, like military marriages, have unique challenges that are specific to this profession. Don’t expect other people to understand. They can’t. Don’t expect your family or your friends in other professions to understand what a struggle surviving residency really is. Understanding someone else’s experience is really difficult unless you have lived it. You and…
Time together is worth more than anything. Guard it, protect it, and buy it when possible. Because people did not understand Aaron’s schedule, surviving residency meant we had to become very protective of the time he was home. When he walked in the door, I always hung up the phone. If he was going to be home, I…
Go out on a weekly date and get away alone together for as long as possible once a year. Time alone together is crucial! When we started residency, we had two small children. By the time we were finished, seven years later, we had four. Making date nights and getaways a priority was hard, but…
Take it in bite sized pieces and expect for things to be hard. Most of my husband’s rotations would last for two months. Some rotations were brutal, others were more manageable. Surviving residency meant that I had to break it down and not see the whole seven years at once. During those more brutal…
Choose to not be Resentful. Be Flexible and Understanding Instead Aaron learned to not tell me when he thought he would be home, but instead, to tell me what he had left to do and about how long it would take him to get it done. I would then tack an extra hour and a…
Live life now Studies have shown that those in the medical field who live life with the “When this is over, then we will….” mentality are unhappy in their relationships and in their job satisfaction. Medical training is a very long process. My husband will have been in school or training for 17 years since…
Ignore the Calendar and Set Your Own Holidays People get sick on holidays, weekends, birthdays, Tuesdays – ok, every day. Admittedly, when Aaron was on trauma and taking care of victims of preventable accidents there were times I felt like the Disney superhero Mr. Incredible (remember, I have young kids) during the opening scene when…
Support and Love Each Other. Talk about Your Needs Surviving residency meant that we had to be super-efficient with the time that Aaron was around. There was no time for me to expect him to guess what I needed and for him to try and get it right. Nor was there time for me to…
Dream About and Envision the Future Together This isn’t putting off life until training is over, but rather seeing a future where the two of you are together and in love. Frequently discuss plans and dreams together. Where do we want to be in ten years? Where should we vacation to celebrate when all this…